A letter from Jerome (404)

Translated letter:

1. If all the members of my body were turned to tongues and all my limbs resounded with the human voice, I could say nothing worthy of the virtues of the holy and venerable Paula. Noble by birth, but much more noble in sanctity, once powerful by wealth, but now more noteworthy for the poverty of Christ, family of the Gracchi, offshoot of the Scipios, heir of Paul [Aemilius], whose name she bears, of Maecia Papiria, mother of Africanus, true and direct descendant, she preferred Bethlehem to Rome and changed her rooves gleaming with gold for the baseness of formless mud. We do not grieve that we have lost such a one, but give thanks that we had her, or rather have her for all things live in God and whatever returns to the lord is counted in [our] family; her loss is a dwelling in the heavenly home. As long as she was in the body she was in exile from the lord and sought him always with a tearful voice saying: "alas for me, that my exile is prolonged, that I have dwelled with the inhabitants of Kedar, my soul has long wandered" [Ps.119:5]. And is it any wonder that she wept to be in darkness — for so Kedar is interpreted — when the world has turned to evil? "And its light is like its darkness, and the light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not grasp it" [John 1:5]. Whence she often said "I am a stranger and a wanderer like my fathers" [Ps.38:13] and again "my desire is to depart and be with Christ" [Phil.1:23]. How often when she was troubled by the weakness of her little body which she had strained with incredible abstinence and doubled fasts, she repeated: "I punish my body and enslave it, so that after preaching to others I should not find myself reproached" [1Cor.9:27] and "it is good not to eat meat or drink wine" [Rom.14:21] and "I have afflicted my soul with fasting" [Ps.34:13] and "you have turned my whole bed in sickness" [Ps.40:4] and "I have revolved in misery as thorns pierced me" [Ps.31:4]. But amidst the stings of pain which she endured with wondrous patience, she said as if she saw the heavens opened to her: "who will give me wings to fly like a dove so I may rest?" [Ps.54:7].
2. Jesus is my witness and the holy angels and her own angel who was guardian and companion of that admirable woman, that I say nothing from friendship, nothing in the manner of flatterers, but whatever I shall say bears witness to and falls short of her merits which the whole world sings, priests admire, choirs of virgins desire, the crowd of monks and the poor lament. Does the reader want to know briefly her virtues? She left all her family poor and herself poorer. It is no wonder that she did this with relatives and household, which she changed from servants and handmaids to brothers and sisters, when she left Eustochium, virgin and devoted daughter of Christ for whose consolation this little book is composed, wealth only of faith and grace, far from her noble birth.
3. Let us seize, then, the order of narrating. Let others go back further, offering mother Blesilla and father Rogatus from the rattles in the cradle — she progeny of the Scipios and Graecchi, he said by wealth and noble descent to carry blood from Agamemnon who destroyed Troy by the ten-year siege — we shall praise nothing but what comes from the purest font of the holy mind. Although the lord and saviour teaches the apostles in the gospel that to those who gave up everything for his name it would be given back a hundredfold in the present and eternal life in the future — from which we understand not that he is praising possession of wealth but scorn of it for Christ, not pride in honors but dismissal of them for the faith of the lord — truly what the saviour promised his servants and handmaids he gave back in the present. For she who scorned the glory of one city is celebrated by the good opinion of the whole world. Whom no one knew when she lived in Rome, outside Rome, hiding in Bethlehem, barbarous and Roman lands admire. For from what land do men not come to the holy places? Who can be found in holy places whom men admire more than Paula? And as the most precious gem glitters among many gems and the splendor of the sun overwhelms and darkens the small sparks of stars, so she surpassed the virtues and powers of others with her humility and was least among all only to be greater than all, and the more she abased herself, the more she was exalted by Christ. She hid and was not concealed. By fleeing glory she deserved glory, which "follows virtue like a shadow" and abandoning those who seek it, seeks those who scorn it. But what am I doing? Putting aside the order of narrating while I am concerned with separate things, I do not preserve the rules of speaking.
4. Descended from such stock she was joined to a man, Toxotius, who draws his highest blood from Aeneas and the Julii, from which you too, virgin of Christ, his daughter, take your name, Eustochium Julia. "Julius, a name come down from great Iulus" [Aen.1.288]. And we say these things not because they matter to those having them, but because they are wondrous to those who scorn them. Men of the world look up to those who have the power of such privileges; we praise those who despised them for the saviour. And we assert that it is wondrous in the measure that they did not wish to have what we set little store by. Born I say from these ancestors and proven in fecundity and modesty, first to her husband, then to her relatives and the testimony of the whole city, when she produced five children — Blesilla, for whose death I consoled her at Rome, Paulina, who left as heir of her intention and her things the holy and admirable man Pammachius for whom we composed a little book on her death, Eustochium, who is now a most precious necklace in the holy places of virginity and the church, Rufina, who distressed the pious soul of her mother with her early death, and Toxotius, after whom she stopped having children, so one might deduce that for a long time she did not wish to fulfil her conjugal function, but obeyed the desire of her husband who wanted male children --
5. after her husband died, she so lamented him that she almost died, and she turned so to the service of the lord, that she seemed to have desired his death. What shall I say of the wealth of a great and noble, once most opulent house, almost all distributed to the poor? What of the very kind soul and goodness extending to all, even those she had never seen? What person dying destitute was not wrapped in her clothes, what sick person not sustained by her support? Seeking such people through the whole city, she thought it her loss if someone else helped the weak and hungry. She despoiled her children and told her relatives when they objected that she left them a greater heritage in the mercy of Christ.
6. She could not long sustain the worldly visits and society of high birth and noblest families. She grieved for the honor and hastened to refuse and flee the praise. And when imperial letters brought bishops from east and west to Rome because of certain disagreements in the churches, she saw admirable men of Christ, pontiffs Paulinus, bishop of Antioch, and Epiphanius, of Salamis in Cyprus which is now called Constantia. Epiphanius was a guest in her home, Paulinus though he stayed in another home was also [treated] as if her guest. Enflamed by their virtues she thought at times of leaving her homeland. She thought not of her home, her children, her family, her possessions, nothing that pertains to the world but only — if it can be said — of going without companion to the deserts of the Anthonies and the Pauls. Finally with the winter over and the sea open and the bishops returning to their churches, she sailed with them in her desire and her vow. Why delay further? she went down to the harbor with her brother, her relations, her in-laws, and — what is most [striking] — her children following. Already with the sails hoisted and the oars bringing the ship out to sea, little Toxotius held out his hands a supplicant on the shore, Rufina still unmarried, implored silently with tears that she was hoping to be married, and yet she [Paula] kept her dry eyes on heaven, conquering her devotion to her children with her devotion to God. She ignored the mother to be the handmaid of Christ. Her innards were twisted and she fought with pain as if torn from her limbs, all the more admirable in that she vanquished a great love. There is nothing more cruel than separating parents from children between the hands of enemies and the harsh necessity of captivity; her full faith suffered this against the laws of nature, even rejoicing, and scorning the love of children for the greater love of God, her spirit sought and found only Eustochium who was her companion in her intention and her journey. The ship meanwhile ploughed the sea and though all who were with her kept looking ardently at the shore, she held her eyes averted so she would not see what she could not see without torment. I affirm that no one so loved her children to whom, before she set out, she gave all her wealth, disinheriting herself on earth so she might find her heritage in heaven.
7. She stopped at the island of Ponza, ennobled by the exile of Flavia Domitilla of illustrious memory under prince Domitian because of her confession of Christianity, and seeing the cell in which that woman suffered her long martyrdom, she desired to see the holy places and took wings for Jerusalem. The winds seemed slow to her and all swiftness sluggish. Between Scylla and Charybdis, on a sea like a pond, she came to Methone and there refurbished somewhat her little body and "resting her salt-soaked limbs on the shore" [Aen.1.173], then between [Cape] Malea and Cythera and "Cyclades scattered through the water and straits stirred up by frequent lands" [Aen.3.126-27], and after Rhodes and Lycia, she finally saw Cyprus, where she knelt before the holy and venerable Epiphanius.(1) He kept her with him ten days to rest, as he intended, but she did the work of God, as it turned out. For she visited all the monasteries of that region, and as far as she could, left support for the expenses of the brothers who had been drawn there from the whole world for love of that holy man. Thence in swift course she hastened to Seleuceia and ascended to Antioch where she was detained briefly by the charity of the holy confessor Paulinus and, in the middle of winter, in the ardor of faith, that noble woman who had once been carried by the hands of eunuchs, set out on a donkey.
8. I leave out Coele-Syria and Phoenicia — I did not undertake to describe her “odoeporicum” [Grk. itinerary] — I shall name only those places which are contained in the holy volumes. After she left Berytus, a Roman colony, and the ancient city of Sidon, she entered the little tower of Elijah on the shore of Sarepta in which the lord saviour was adored; through the sands of Tyre in which Paul had knelt she came to Accho, now called Ptolemais, and through the plains of Maggedo, witness to the death of Joshua, and entered Palestine. She wondered at the ruins of Dor, once a very powerful city, and in contrast the tower of Strato named Caesarea by Herod, king of Judea, in honor of Caesar Augustus, in which she saw the home of Cornelius, a church of Christ and the small dwelling of Philip and the chamber of the four virgin prophets [his daughters]; then Antipatris, a little town half in ruins, which Herod had named for his father, and Lydda now Diospolis famous for the resurrection and salvation of Dorcas and Aeneas, not far from Arimathea, the village of Joseph who buried the lord, and Nob, once a city of priests, now tombs of the slain, and Joppa, port of the fleeing Jonah and — if I may draw something from the fables of poets — where Andromeda was bound to the stone; and taking up the journey again, Nicopolis which was first called Emmaus in which the lord, recognized in the breaking of bread, dedicated the house of Cleophas as a church. And going on from there she reached lower and higher Beth-Horon, a city built by Solomon and later destroyed by various storms of wars, looking to the right on Aialon and Gabaon/Gibeon, where Joshua, son of Nun, fighting against the five kings, commanded the sun and moon and condemned the Gabaonites to carry water and wood, for their deceptions and plots in making a compact. She was for a short while at Gabaa/Gibeah a city completely destroyed, and remembered its sin and the concubine cut in pieces and the tribe of Benjamin with twice threehundred men preserved for the apostle Paul.
9. Why do I delay longer? having left the tomb of Helena on the left, the queen of Adiabene who helped the people with grain in their famine, she entered Jerusalem, the city of three names [Grk. “trionumon”], Jebus, Salem, Jerusalem, which was raised from ruins and ashes into the city Aelia by Aelius Hadrian. Although the proconsul of Palestine, who knew her family well, sent attendants and ordered the official residence prepared, she chose a humble room and visited all the places with such ardor and zeal that she could not be drawn away from the first unless she was hastening to others and, prostrate before the cross, she adored it as if she saw the lord hanging on it. When she entered the sepulchre of the resurrection she kissed the stone which the angel had moved from the entrance and, as if thirsting for the waters desired by faith licked with her mouth that place where the body of the lord lay. What tears she poured out there, what groans of sorrow, all Jerusalem is witness, the lord whom she beseeched is witness. Coming from there, she climbed Zion, which is translated citadel or watchtower. David once attacked and [re]built this city. About the attack, it is written: "Alas for you, Ariel" — that is "lion of God" and once very strong — "city which David attacked" [Isa.29:1]; about the rebuilding: "its foundations [are] on the holy mountains; the lord loves the gate of Zion more than all the dwellings of Jacob" [Ps.86:1-2]. These are not the gates we see today dissolved in ashes and cinders, but the gates over which hell will not prevail, through which the multitude of believers enters to Christ. She was shown the column holding up the portico of a church, stained with the blood of the lord, where he was bound and scourged. She was shown the place where the holy spirit descended over a hundred twenty souls to fulfil the prophecy of Joel.
10. Then, having distributed from her small means to the poor and fellow servants [Christians], she reached Bethlehem and stood with the tomb of Rachel on her right, in which she brought forth not, as his mother called him dying, Ben-Oni, son of my grief, but as his father prophesied in the spirit, son of my right hand, Ben-Yamin. And then entering the cave of the saviour, after she saw the sacred dwelling and stable of the virgin, in which "the ox knows its owner and the donkey its master's crib" [Isa.1:3], so that what is written in that same prophet might be fulfilled: "blessed you who sow above the waters, where the ox and donkey tramp" [Isa.32:20], in my hearing she swore she saw with the eyes of faith the infant wrapped in cloth, crying in the stall, the magi adoring God, the star shining above, the virgin mother, the attentive nurse, the shepherds coming at night that they might see the word that was accomplished and consecrate the beginning of the evangelist John: "in the beginning was the word and the word was made flesh" [John 1:1]. She saw the children killed, Herod raging, Joseph and Mary fleeing into Egypt. And with tears mixed with joy she said: "hail, Bethlehem, home of bread, in which was born that bread that descends from heaven. Hail, Ephratha, most rich region and “karpoforos” [Grk. fertile], whose fruit is god. Micah once prophesied about you: "but you, o Bethlehem of Ephratha, are you not one of the smallest in Judah? from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel and whose origin is from the beginning, from eternal days. Therefore you shall give them up to the time of the birth; then the rest of his brothers will turn back to the sons of Israel" [Mich.5:2-3]. For in you is born a prince who was born before Lucifer, whose birth from the father precedes every age. And the origin of the family of David remained in you until the virgin gave birth and the rest of the people believing in Christ turn back to the sons of Israel and preach freely: "it was fitting that the word of god be spoken first to you, but since you reject it and judge yourselves unworthy of eternal life, we turn now to the gentiles" [Acts 13:46]. For the lord had said: "I came only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel" [Matth.15:24]. And at that time the words of Jacob about him were fulfilled: "the ruler will not depart from Judah nor the leader from its feet until he comes in whom it rests, and he will be what is awaited by the peoples" [Gen.49:10]. David swore well, he made his vows well, saying: "I will not enter my house or get into my bed, I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, or rest to my time, until I find a place for the lord, a dwelling for the god of Jacob" [Ps.131:3-5]. And immediately what he desired, he exposed to his prophetic eyes, the one we believe has come he saw would come: "behold, we have heard of him in Ephratha, we have found him in the fields of the forest" [Ps.131:6]. Indeed the Hebrew word “zoth,” as I learned from you, means not Mary, mother of the lord, that is herself [Grk. “auten”] but himself [“auton,” Christ]. Whence he speaks confidently: "we shall enter into his dwelling, we shall adore in the place where his feet were" [Ps.131:7]. And I, poor sinner, am I judged worthy to kiss the stall in which the little lord cried, to pray in the cave in which the virgin gave birth to the child god? This is my rest, since it is the homeland of my lord. Here I shall live, since the saviour chose it. "I have prepared a lamp for my Christ" [Ps.131:17]. My soul will live for him and my seed will serve him" [Ps.21:31]. Not far from here she went down to the tower of Ader, that is "flock," next to which Jacob pastured his flocks and the shepherds watching at night deserved to hear: "glory to God on high and peace to men of good will on earth" [Luke 2:14]. While they watched their sheep, they found the lamb of God whose fleece, pure and spotless, was covered with heavenly dew in the dryness of the land and whose blood took away the sins of the world and, smeared on door posts, put the exterminator of Egypt to flight [Exod.12:7].
11. And immediately with excited step she began to take the old road to Gaza, to the power and wealth of god, and silently thought how the Ethiopian eunuch who prefigured the gentiles changed his skin and while he read the old instrument [testament], found the source of the gospel [Acts 8:27-39]. From there she crossed to the right; she came from Beth-Sur to Eschol which is translated "grape." Whence in witness to that most fertile land and its type, the one who says "I have trodden the winepress alone and from the peoples no one was with me" [Isa.63:3], explorers brought back a grape of wondrous magnitude. And not long after, she entered the chambers of Sara and saw the cradle of Isaac and footprints, and the oak under which Abraham saw the day of Christ and rejoiced. And rising from there, she ascended Hebron, that is Cariath-Arbe, or town of four men, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and great Adam, who according to the book of Joshua the Hebrews believe was buried there. Though many think the fourth was Caleb, whose monument is shown nearby. She did not want to go to Cariath-Sepher, that is the "bond of letters," since she scorned the dying letter having found the letter that gives life. She admired rather the higher and lower waters which Othniel, son of Kenaz received for the southern and arid land, from which he irrigated the dry fields of the old instrument [testament] so they could find the redemption of old sinners in the waters of baptism. On another day when the sun rose she went to the summit of Caphar-Baruch, that is the "city of blessing," to which place Abraham followed the lord. Looking down on the broad solitude and the land that was once Sodom and Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboiim, she thought of the vines of balsam in Engaddi, and Segor, three-year calf, which was first called Bala and translated to Zoar, that is child in Syrian. She remembered the cave of Loth and in tears admonished her virgin companions to beware of wine, in which lies the lust that gave rise to Moabites and Ammonites.
12. I linger too long over the south, where the spouse[f]/bride found the spouse[m]/groom and Joseph got drunk with his brothers. I shall return to Jerusalem through Thecua and Amos and shall look at the glowing cross of Mt. Olive from which the saviour ascended to his father, in which each year a red cow was burned in sacrifice to the lord, whose ashes expiated the people of Israel, in which according to Ezekiel the cherubim left the temple and founded the church of the lord. She entered the tomb of Lazarus and saw the home of Mary and Martha at Bethphage, a town of priestly jawbones and a place in which the playful foal of the gentiles accepted the reins of the lord and covered by the clothes of the apostles offered a soft back to him to sit. And on a straight road she descended to Jericho, thinking of the wounded man in the gospel and the kindness of the Samaritan, as priests and Levites went past with fierceness of mind, the "guard" who carried him half-dead on his mount to the inn of the church; and to Adommim, which is translated "blood," because much blood has been shed in it by the frequent attacks of thieves; and the mulberry tree of Zacchaeus, that is good works of penitence, by which he trampled his former cruel and harmful sins of plunder and perceived the highest lord from the height of virtues; and along the way the places of the blind who received sight and foreshadowed the sacraments of both peoples who would believe in the lord. She entered Jericho and saw the city which Hiel founded on Abiram, his first-born, whose gates he built on Segub, his youngest.(2) She contemplated the camp of Galgal and the heap of foreskins and the mystery of the second circumcision and the twelve stones which were carried there from the bed of the Jordan and strengthened the foundations of the twelve apostles, and the fountain once the most bitter and sterile of the law, which the true Elisha seasoned with his wisdom and turned to sweetness and fulness. Scarcely had night passed when she came with most fervent ardor to the Jordan; she stood on the bank of the river and with the sun rising she remembered the sun of justice, how the priests took dry steps in the midst of the riverbed, and at the command of Elia and Elisha the waters separated and the river offered a passage and the lord purified waters polluted by the flood and stained by the killing of the whole human race with his baptism.
13. It would take long if I wished to speak of the valley of Achor, that is "of tumult and turmoils," in which theft and avarice were condemned, and about Bethel, "house of God," in which Jacob slept naked and poor on the bare ground, with a stone under his head that is described in Zechariah as having seven eyes and in Isaiah is called square; she saw the ladder extending to heaven on which the lord from above was extending his hand to those climbing and throwing down the negligent. And she venerated the tombs on mount Ephraim of Joshua, son of Nun, and Eleazar, son of the priest Aaron — of which one was set in Tamnath-Sare on the north side of mount Gaas, the other in Gibeah of his son Phineas — and she was amazed that the distributor of possessions had chosen a bitter and mountainous [land] for himself. What shall I tell of Shiloh, in which today a ruined altar is shown where the Benjamites anticipated the rape of the Sabines by Romulus? She crossed over to Sichem — not, as many erroneously read, Sichar — which is now called Neapolis, and entered the church constructed on the side of mount Garizim near the well of Jacob, at which the lord, resting thirsty and hungry, was satisfied by the faith of the Samaritan woman, who after five husbands, the Mosaic volumes, and the sixth whom she claimed to have by the error of Dositheus,(3) leaving him she found the true Messiah and saviour. And going from there she saw the tombs of the twelve patriarchs and Sebaste, that is Samaria, which was named Augusta in honor of Augustus by Herod in Greek. There are found Elisha and Abdia the prophets and — none greater born of woman — John the Baptist, where she trembled from the many marvels. For she saw demons roaring from various torments and men howling before the tombs of the saints with voices of wolves, the barking of dogs, growling of lions, hissing of serpents, mooing of bulls, others with heads turned to their backs, touching the ground with their heads, women suspended by their feet, their clothes not falling over their faces. She had pity on all of them and prayed the mercy of Christ for each with her tears. And though she was weak, she climbed the mountain on foot in which the prophet Abdia nourished a hundred prophets with bread and water in two caves in a time of hunger and persecution. Swiftly she pursued her journey to Nazareth, nurse of the lord, to Cana and Capharnaum, witnesses to his miracles, the lake of Tiberias sanctified by the lord's sailing it, and the solitude in which many thousands of people were satisfied with few breads and the leftovers filled twelve baskets, the tribes of Israel. She climbed mount Tabor in which the lord was transfigured. She looked far off at the mountains of Hermon and Hermonim and the broad fields of Galilee in which Sisara and his whole army was defeated by Barach, at the torrent of Cison going through the middle of the plain, and the town near Nain in which the son of the widow was brought back to life. The day would run out before my words if I wanted to go through everthing that venerable Paula visited with her incredible faith.
14. I shall go on to Egypt and stop a while in Soccoth and at the fountain of Samson which he produced from the molar tooth of the jawbone, and moisten my drying mouth and, revived, I shall see Moreseth, once the tomb of the prophet Micah, now a church. [Jerome names various places in Egypt which they visited, incluing Alexandria and the monastic settlements at Nitria], the city of the lord, Nitria, in which the filth of many is daily washed by the purest alkali of virtues. When she saw coming towards her the holy and venerable man, confessor bishop Isidoros, and innumerable crowds of monks many of whom he had lifted to the ranks of priest and Levite, she rejoiced in the glory of the lord but declared herself unworthy of such honor. [Paula visited the cells of various holy men, and prostrated herself before them.] She thought she saw Christ in each of the holy men and rejoiced that she gave the lord whatever she bestowed on them. Wondrous ardor and fortitude scarcely believable in a woman! Forgetting sex and bodily fragility, she wanted to live among the thousands of monks with her girls. And perhaps, with their reception of her, she would have brought it about, if the desire [to see] holy places had not been stronger. And because of the great heat she went to Maiuma by ship from Pelusium, with such speed you would have thought her a bird. Not much later to holy Bethlehem where she would remain, but for three years she stayed in tight quarters, until she built cells and monasteries and founded lodgings on the road for pilgrims since Mary and Joseph had not found lodging. Up to here the journey she made accompanied by many virgins and her daughter has been described.
15. Now her virtue, which is her own, will be more fully described. In expounding that, with God as judge and witness, I profess that I am adding nothing, extolling nothing more, in the way of flatterers, but leaving much out in order not to stretch credulity, so I am not thought by my detractors, always gnawing at me with real teeth, to be making it up and adorning Aesop's crow with alien colors. In what is the first virtue of Christians, humility, she so abased herself that anyone seeing her or wanting to see her because of her fame, would not believe it was she, but the least of her handmaids. And when she was surrounded by her usual bands of virgins, in dress and voice and manner and step she was the least of them. Never from the death of her husband to the day of her dormition did she eat with any man, even if she knew he was holy and high in clerical position; she did not go to baths unless [her health was] in danger. She never had soft beds, even during high fevers, but rested on the hardest ground covered with goat hair, if it can be called rest when she joined days and nights in almost continual prayer, carrying out the Psalter: "I shall wash my bed each night and drench my cover with tears" [Ps.6:7]. You would think a fountain of tears, as she wept such slight sins, that you might believe her guilty of the most serious crimes. When she was, frequently, amonished by us to spare her eyes and save them for reading the gospel, she said: "the face must be disfigured that I so often against God's precepts, painted with purple and white and antimony; the body must be afflicted that enjoyed so many pleasures; long laughter must be compensated by perpetual weeping; soft linens and precious silks exchanged for goat hair. I who wished to please a worldly husband now wish to please Christ." If I wanted, among such and so many virtues, to proclaim chastity in her, it would seem superfluous. In that too, even when she was in the world, she was an example among all Roman matrons. She acted in such a way that not even scandalmongers dared to fabricate anything about her. No one kinder in spirit, none gentler to the humble. She did not seek the powerful, nor did she disdain the proud or those seeking a little glory. If she saw a poor person, she supported him, if a rich one, she urged him to good deeds. Only her generosity exceeded measure and she paid usury, often borrowing money so that she need not deny anyone who asked for alms. I confess my error — I reproved her for being too generous with the words of the apostle: "not that the comfort to others [be] a tribulation for you, but as suits the time so that your abundance serves their need and their abundance serves yours" [2Cor.8:13-14] and this from the saviour's gospel: "who has two tunics, let him give the other to one who has none" [Luke 3:11]. [I told her] to be prudent lest she not be able always to do what she did willingly, and many things of this kind which she refuted with admirable modesty and very few words, invoking the lord as witness that she did everything for his name and that her desire was to die a beggar, to leave no money to her daughter and at her death to be wrapped in another's muslin. Finally she said: "if I ask, I will find many who give to me; if this beggar does not get from me what I can get from another for him and he dies, from whom will his soul be held accountable?" I wanted her to be more cautious in domestic matters but she, more ardent in her faith, joined herself to the saviour with all her soul and poor in spirit followed the poor lord giving him what she had received, making herself poor for him. Then what she desired happened and she left her daughter in great debt to others, which she owes still but intends to repay not by her own strength but by faith and the mercy of Christ.
16. Most matrons bestow gifts on those who trumpet them, granting largesse to a few and drawing their hands back from others; but she did not have that vice at all. She divided her money among indviduals according to need, not to extravagance. No poor person ever left her empty-handed. What was given was not from magnitude of wealth but prudence of dispensing. She always said: "blessed the merciful, for they will receive mercy" [Matth.5:7] and "as water extinguishes a blazing fire, so almsgiving atones for sin" [Eccli.3:30] and "make friends for yourselves with dishonest wealth (the mammon of iniquity) and they will receive you into the eternal dwellings" [Luke 16:9] and "give alms and behold everything will be clean" [Luke 11:41] and the words of Daniel warning king Nebuchadnezzar that he might redeem his sins with alms. She did not wish to pour out money on the stones that would pass with the world and time, but on living stones which roll on the earth, from which the city of the great king was built in John's Apocalypse, which scripture reminds us will become sapphire and emerald and jasper and other jewels.
17. It is true that these things are not common to all and the devil knows they are not at the height of virtues. Which is why he said to the lord after Job lost his possessions, after his house was destroyed and his children killed: "skin for skin, all that people have they will give to save their lives. But stretch out your hand now and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face" [Job 2:4-5].(4) We know many have given alms but not given of their own bodies; they have extended their hands to the indigent but, conquered by desires of the flesh, they have whitewashed what was outside while within they are filled with the bones of the dead. But Paula was not like that — she was so continent that she exceeded proper measure and weakened her body with excessive fasts and labor, scarcely taking oil in her food except on feast days, and from this one can imagine what she thought of wine and sauces and fish and milk and honey and other things which are sweet to the taste. When others who take them consider themselves abstemious and if they gorge their stomachs with them, believe their virtue is safe.
18. Envy always follows virtues and lightning strikes the highest mountains. What wonder if I say this about men when our lord was crucified by the zeal of the pharisees and all the saints have had rivals, even in paradise there was a serpent "from whose envy death entered the world" [Sap.2:24]. The lord aroused for her an Edomite Hadad who boxed her ears so she would not raise herself up, and often admonished her as if with a prick of the flesh not to take pride in the greatness of her virtues nor think herself better because of the vices of other women. I told her that one must yield to envy, give way to madness, which Jacob did with his brother Esau and David with the most stubborn of his enemies Saul, so one fled to Mesopotamia the other gave himself over to foreigners preferring to subject himself to enemies rather than to the envious. But she answered: "you would be right to say this if the devil did not do combat everywhere with the servants and handmaids of God and go everywhere before them as they fled, if I were not held by love of the holy places and could find my Bethlehem in another part of the earth. Why would I not conquer envy with patience? Why not break pride with humility and offer the other cheek to the striker with Paul saying `overcome evil with good' [Rom.12:21]? Did the apostles not boast when they suffered abuse for the lord? Was the saviour not humiliated when he took the form of a servant/slave and made himself obedient to the father even to death, death on the cross, to save us with his suffering? Job would not have received the crown of justice if he had not fought and overcome in battle, nor would he have heard from the lord: `do you think I spoke to you except to show that you are just?' [Job 40:3]. `Blessed are those,' it is said in the gospel, `who suffer persecution for justice' [Matth.5:10]. The conscience may be secure because we do not suffer for our sins, and affliction in this world is matter for reward." And if the enemy were more impudent and burst out with contentious words, she sang from the Psalter: "when the sinner fought against me, I was silent and humble and kept the good quiet" [Ps.38:2-3] and again: "I am like the deaf who did not hear, or the mute who did not open his mouth. And I am become like a man who does not have rebukes in his mouth" [Ps. 37:14-15] In temptation, she used the words of Deuteronomy: "the lord tempts you so he might know if you love the lord your God with your whole heart and your whole soul" [Deut.13:3]. In tribulations and anguish, she repeated the eloquence of Isaiah: "you who are weaned from milk, who have been taken from the breast, expect tribulation upon tribulation, hope upon hope, here a little, there a little, for the malice of tongues, for the alien tongue" [Isa.28:9-11] and she discussed the testimony of scripture for her comfort thus: "those who are taken way — who have attained the age of maturity — bear tribulation upon tribulation, that they might deserve hope upon hope, `knowing that suffering produces patience, patience proof, proof hope, and hope does not disappoint' [Rom.5:3-5], because `if our external man is corrupted, the internal is renewed. And the temporary and light tribulation of the present prepares a weight of eternal glory for us who look not at what is seen but at what is not seen. For what is seen is temporal, but what is not seen is eternal' [2Cor.4:16-18]. Nor will it be long, even if it seems slow to human impatience, before the help of God comes, saying: `I have heard you at the proper time and helped you on the day of your salvation' [Isa.49:8]. Nor should we fear the deceptive lips and tongues of the unjust, since we rejoice with the lord hearing and we ought to hear him reminding us: `by your patience you will possess your souls' [Luke 21:19] and `the sufferings of the present are not comparable to future glory, which will be revealed to us' [Rom.8:18], and elsewhere, that we might act patiently in all things, whatever happens to us: `a patient man is great in wisdom, the timid is very foolish' [Prov.14:29?]."
19. In her weakness and frequent illness she used to say: "when I am weak, then I am strong" [2Cor.12:10] and "we have this treasure in fictile vessels" [2Cor.4:7] until "this mortal [body] puts on immortality and what is corruptable puts on incorruptibility" [1Cor.15:53] and again: "as the sufferings of Christ are abundant in us, so through Christ his consolation will abound in us" [2Cor.1:5] and then "as you are companions in his suffering, so you will be in his consolation" [2Cor.1:7]. In sadness she sang: "why are you sad, my soul, and why do you distress me? Hope in God, for I will acknowledge him, my saviour and my God" [Ps.41:12]. In danger she said: "who would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" [Matth.16:24] and again "who loses his life for my sake will be saved" [Matth.16:25]. When she announced the loss of her belongings or the destruction of her whole patrimony, she said: "what will it profit one if he gains the whole world and loses his life/soul? Or what will man give in exchange for his life?" [Matth.16:26] and "naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I shall return. As it pleased the lord, so it was done, blessed be the name of the lord" [Job 1:21] and: "do not love the world nor the things that are in the world, for everything that is in the world is desire of the flesh and concupiscence of the eyes and pride of this life, which is not from the father but from the world and the world and its concupiscence will perish" [1John 2:15-17]. I know that she received letters about the serious illnesses of her children, and particularly of her Toxotius, whom she loved very much. When she had taken hold with her strength, "I am disturbed and I have not spoken" [Ps.76:5], she broke out in these words: "who loves his son or daughter over me, is not worthy of me" [Matth.10:37] and praying to the lord she said: "possess the sons of those who are killed [Ps.78:11] who daily mortify their bodies for you." I know a certain tale-bearer — that very pernicious kind of man — who announced as if in kindness that she seemed crazy to some because of the excessive fervor of her virtues and that it was often said that she needed care. To which she responded: "`we are made a spectacle for the world and for angels and men; we are fools for Christ'" [1Cor.4:9-10] but `God's foolishness is wiser than human [wisdom]' [1Cor.1:10]. Whence the savior said to the father: `you know my folly' [Ps.68:6]. His people wanted to bind him as if he were weak in the mind and his adversaries beat him saying: `he has a demon and is a Samaritan' [John 8:48] and: `by Beelzebul, prince of demons, he casts out demons' [Matth.12:24]. But we shall hear the company of apostles: `this is our boast, the testimony of our conscience, since we have behaved in the world with holiness and frankness and the grace of God' [2Cor.1:12] and the lord saying to the apostles: `therefore the world hates you because you are not of the world. If you were of the world, it would love you as its own' [John 15:18-19]." And to the lord she addressed these words: "`you knew what was hidden in our hearts' [Ps.43:22] and `all these things came upon us but we have not forgotten you nor have we acted unjustly to your covenant nor is our heart turned away' [Ps.43:18-19] and `for your sake we are being killed all day, we are considered like sheep for slaughter' [Rom.8:36] but `the lord is my helper, I shall not fear what man might do to me' [Ps.117:6]. For it is to be read: `my son, honor the lord and you will be comforted and beyond that you will have nothing to fear' [Prov.7:1]." With these and such testimonies as if they were the armor of Christ she instructed herself against all vices, but especially against raging envy and by suffering injuries she mitigated the fury of the burdened breast. And up to the day of her death her patience and the zeal of others revealed to all that one who slanders his model, while he strives to wound his rival, rants against himself with his own fury.
20. I shall speak now about the order of the monastery, how she turned the neighborhood of the saints to her advantage. She sowed carnal things in order to deserve spiritual; she gave earthly things to take heavenly; she conceded what is brief to change it for what is eternal. After the monastery of men, which she handed over to men to govern, she divided the many virgins she had gathered from different provinces, of noble, middle and lower rank, into three groups and monasteries, so that they were separated for work and food, but joined for singing psalms and for prayers. After singing alleluia, by which sign they were called together, no one was permitted to be inactive, but as the first or among the first to come she worked, inciting the others to labor by modesty and example not by fear. In the morning, at the hours of ters, sext, nones, vespers, and in the middle of the night they sang through the Psaltery in order and no sister was allowed to be ignorant of the psalms or not to learn something every day from holy scriptures. On the lord's day [Sunday] only they went out to church, which they lived next to, each group following its own mother; and when they came back in the same way, they were urged to strict work, making clothes for themselves or others. If one was noble, she was not permitted to have a companion from her home, for fear she would refresh and renew the ancient error of a wanton childhood, remembering old acts with frequent chatter. There was one mode of dress for all of them; they used linen only for washing hands. There was such separation from men that there were not even eunuchs, so as not to give occasion to malicious tongues who are given to slandering saints in order to excuse their own failures. If one were rather late coming to psalms or rather lazy in work, she [Paula] dealt with her in various ways. If she was given to anger, with blandishments, if patient, with correction, imitating the apostle: "what do you want? that I come to you with a rod or in the spirit of leniency and gentleness?" [1Cor.4:21]. Except for food and dress, she allowed them to have nothing, as Paul said: "we are content with food and clothing" [1Tim.6:8], lest the custom of having more give rise to avarice, which is not satisfied by needs and the more it has the more it seeks and is not lessened by abundance or lack. When they quarreled among themselves, she brought them together with gentle speech. She broke the wanton flesh of young girls with frequent and doubled fasts, preferring they suffer in stomach than in mind. If she saw someone more soignee, she reproved her error with furrowed brow and sad face, saying cleanliness of body and dress was uncleanliness of soul, and an unseemly and wanton word should never come from a virgin's mouth, because they are signs of a sensual soul and the vices of the inner man are shown by the outer man. If she perceived one to be talkative and chattering, insolent and prone to quarrels, and not willing to change no matter how often admonished, she put her among the last and had her pray outside the assembly of sisters and the dining area and take her food separately, so that what obstinacy would not correct, shame might. She detested theft as if it were sacrilege and what is taken lightly in the world or discounted she said was a very serious crime in the monasteries. What shall I recall of her kindness and attentiveness to the sick [sisters] whom she nursed with amazing service and care? And though she offered everything generously to those who were ill and gave them meat to eat, when she herself was sick she did not indulge, and seemed unequal in so far as the kindness she showed to others was changed to harshness towards herself.
21. None of the young girls, healthy and lively in body, practiced such abstinence as she did with her broken, old, and weakened little body. I confess, in this she was rather stubborn, and would not spare herself or yield to any suggestion. I shall relate something I experienced. In the month of July, when the heat was fierce, she succumbed to a burning fever and, after losing hope, with the mercy of God she breathed and the doctors urged wine as necessary to restore her thin small body, lest drinking water bring on dropsy. I secretly asked pope [bishop] Epiphanius to admonish her, rather to compel her to drink wine. But she, wise and clever of mind, immediately sensed a plot and laughing suggested it was I who said it. What more? When the blessed pontifex came out after much urging, and I asked him what she had done, he answered, "I was so successful that she almost persuaded me, an old man not to drink wine." I tell this not to approve the thoughtless assumption of burdens beyond one's strength, as scripture warns: "do not lift a weight too heavy for you" [Eccli.13:2], but to show the ardor of her mind and desire of a faithful soul in this perseverance, saying "my soul thirsted for you, and my body in multiple ways" [Ps.62:2]. It is difficult to hold a measure in all things and truly according to the philosophers, virtue lies in moderation, excess is bad,(5) which we can express in a phrase, "nothing in excess." She who had such stubbornness in her scorn of food, was so tender in her grief and broken by the deaths of her [people], particularly her children — for she was always imperiled by the dormition of her husband or child — and when she made the sign [of the cross] on her mouth and stomach and tried to alleviate the grief of the mother with the impression of the cross, affection overwhelmed her and the organs of the parent disturbed the believing mind and she who conquered in spirit was conquered by the frailty of her body, which lassitude took hold of and possessed for a long time, bringing worry to us and crisis to her. For which she rejoiced, remembering at moments: "I am a wretched man, who will deliver me from this body of death?" [Rom.7:24]. The wise reader may say that I write censure instead of praise. Jesus is my witness, whom she served and I desire to serve, that I make nothing up, but put forth as a Christian [m] about a Christian [f] what is true, that is I write history not panegyric, and her vices would be virtues in others. I say vices from [the perspective of] my soul and the desire of all her sisters and brothers, who love her and desire her in her absence.
22. For the rest, she completed her course, she preserved her faith, and now she enjoys the crown of justice. She follows the lamb wherever he goes, she who was hungry is satisfied and she sings happily: "as we have heard so have we seen, in the city of the lord of virtues, in the city of our God" [Ps.47:9]. O blessed change! She wept that she might always laugh, she scorned the wasted lakes that she might find the lord's spring,(6) she wore goat hair that she might now have white gowns and say: "you have cut off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy" [Ps.29:12]. She ate ashes as bread and she mixed her drink with tears saying "tears were my bread day and night" [Ps.41:4], that she might eternally be fed on the bread of the angels and sing, "taste and see, for the lord is sweet" [Ps.33:9] and "my heart throws up my good word, I tell my works to the king" [Ps.44:2] and she saw fulfilled in her the words of Isaiah, or rather of the lord through Isaiah: "behold, those who serve me will eat, but you will go hungry; those who serve me will drink, but you will be thirsty; those who serve me will rejoice, but you will be confounded; those who serve me will exult in joy, but you will cry out for the pain of your heart and howl for the grief of your spirit" [Isa.65:13-14]. I said she always fled the wasted lakes that she might find the lord's spring, that she might happily sing: "as a dear longs for springs of water, so my soul longs for you, God; my soul thirsts for the strong, living God — when shall I come and appear before the face of God" [Ps.41:2-3]?
23. I shall touch briefly therefore on how she avoided the foul lakes of the heretics and considered them pagans. A certain clever old fox, who thought himself learned but had only a smattering, began to put questions to her without my knowledge and to say: "What sins has an infant committed, that he should be seized by a demon? At what age shall we be resurrected? At the one of our death? Then we will need nurses after the resurrection. In another? Then it will not be resurrection of the dead but transformation into others. Will there be a difference of sex, male and female, or not? If so, there will be marriages and intercourse and procreation. If not, with sex removed, the same bodies will not be resurrected — for "an earthly dwelling weighs down the mind with many cares" [Sap.9:15] — but [they will be] rare and spiritual as the apostle says "it is sown a physical body, it rises a spiritual body" [1Cor.15:44]. From all of which he wished to prove that rational creatures fell because of certain vices and ancient sins of the body and were engendered in one condition or another depending on the diversity and merits of their sins, so that they would either enjoy healthy bodies and wealth and nobility of relations or coming into sickly bodies and needy homes they would pay the penalties for their former sins and be enclosed in this world and the body as if in a prison. When she heard this and related it to me, revealing the man, the need pressed me to resist that most evil viper and deadly beast, one of those whom the psalmist warns us about, saying "do not hand over to the beasts those who acknowledge you" [Ps.73:19] and "rebuke, lord, the beasts of the reeds" [Ps.67:31] who in writing evil speak lies against the lord and raise their mouths on high. I met the man and with the prayers of the one he attempted to deceive, I asked him briefly whether he believed in future resurrection of the dead or not. When he answered that he believed, I proceeded: "do the same bodies rise or others?" When he said "the same," I inquired, "in the same sex or another?" to which he was silent and moved his head here and there like a snake, lest it be struck. "Since you are silent," I said, "I will respond for you and draw the consequences. If one does not rise a woman or a male, there will be no resurrection of the dead, since sex has members, the members make the whole body. If there were no sex or members, where would the resurrection of the bodies be, which cannot exist without sex or members? Moreover, if there were no resurrection of bodies, there would be no resurrection of the dead. But what you raise about marriage, if there were members there would be marriage, is destroyed by the savior: `you are mistaken, not knowing scriptures nor the power of God; for in the resurrection of the dead, they neither marry nor are they married, but they will be like the angels' [Matth.22:29-30]. When he says `they neither marry nor are they married,' he shows difference of sex. For no one says of stone and wood, `they neither marry nor are they married,' because marrying is not of their nature, but [one says it] of those who can marry and do not marry by the grace and power of Christ. But if you argue `how will we be like the angels when there is no masculine or feminine among them?' listen briefly: he promises us not the substance of angels but their conversation and beatitude, in the way John the Baptist before he was beheaded was called an angel and all the saints and virgins of God express the life of angels in themselves in this world. For when it is said: `you will be like the angels,' similitude is promised, nature is not changed.
24. "And also, tell me how you interpret that Thomas touched the hands of the resurrecting lord and saw his side wounded by the spear and Peter standing on the shore saw the lord eating a honeycomb and part of a broiled fish? Who stood surely had feet; who showed his wounded side also had belly and chest, without which there are no sides attached to the belly and chest; who spoke, spoke with tongue and palate and teeth — for like a plectrum of the heart, the tongue strikes the teeth and produces a vocal sound; whose hands were touched consequently had arms. Since therefore he is said to have had all the members, it is necessary that he had a whole body which is made up of members, not feminine but virile, that is of the same sex in which he died. But if you were to allege `therefore shall we eat after the resurrection? and how did he enter when the doors were shut against the nature of thick and solid bodies?' you would hear: do not disparage faith in the resurrection because of food, for he ordered food to be given to the daughter of the archpriest and Lazarus, dead four days, is written to have attended a meal with him, lest their resurrections be thought apparitions. If however you try to prove that the body was spirit and air because he went through closed doors, therefore his spiritual body was revealed before since he walked on the sea against the nature of heavy bodies and the apostle Peter, since he also walked on water with hesitant step, must be believed to have had a spritual body, but the power and virtue of God is shown more when he does something against nature. And you should know that the omnipotence of God, not a change of nature is demonstrated by the magnitude of signs/miracles; he who walked in faith began to be drowned by lack of faith, if the hand of the lord had not raised him saying `why did you doubt, you of little faith?' [Matth.14:31]. I wonder that you harden your face when the lord speaks: `put your finger here and see my hands and reach out your hand and put it in my side and do not doubt but believe' [John 20:27] and elsewhere `see my hands and feet, that it is I myself. Touch and see for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have. And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet' [Luke 24:39-40]. You hear bones and flesh, feet and hands; and you fabricate the globes of the Stoics and other aerial absurdities!
25. "Moreover, you ask why an infant can be seized by a demon who had no sins or in what age we will be resurrected, when we die at different ages. You will not be grateful for this: `the judgments of the lord are a great abyss' [Ps.35:7] and `o the depth of the wisdom and knowledge of God, how inscrutable are his judgments and unsearchable his ways! for who has known the mind of the lord or who has been his counselor?' Diversity of ages does not change the truth of bodies. For since our bodies fall away daily and either grow or decrease, shall we be as many men as we daily change into? Was I one thing when I was ten, another at thirty, another at fifty, another now that my head is all white? According to the traditions of the churches and the apostle Paul the answer is that we shall be resurrected `to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ' [Ephes.4:13], in which as the Jews believe Adam was created and we read that the lord saviour was resurrected" and many other things which I brought forth from both testatments to choke the heretic. From that day she began to detest the man and all who were of his teaching whom she publicly proclaimed enemies of the lord. And I have said these things, not to confute the heresy briefly, which would require many volumes to answer, but to show the faith of such a woman, who preferred to submit to the perpetual hostilities of men rather than provoke offense to God by harmful friendships.
26. I shall say therefore, as I began to, no one was more teachable than she. She was slow to speak, swift to hear, mindful of that precept: "hear Israel and be silent" [Deut.27:9]. She had the scriptures in her memory and though she loved the history and called it the foundation of truth, she pursued spiritual understanding more and defended its height as the structure of her soul. Finally, she compelled me to read and discuss the old and new testament with her daughter, which I had refused out of modesty, by her assiduous and frequent requests to teach what I had learned not from myself, that is from presumption, the worst preceptor, but from illustrious men of the church. As I hesitated and confessed openly that I did not know, she never acquiesced but forced me with the yoke of interrogation, that I would indicate among many valid judgments which seemed more probable to me. I shall say something else which perhaps seems unbelievable to her rivals: the Hebrew language, which I had studied from youth and partly learned with great labor and sweat and tireless meditation and do not abandon lest it abandon me, she wished to learn and was so successful that she sang the psalms in Hebrew and spoke without any trace of Latin speech. Which we see to this day in her holy daughter Eustochium, who always clung to her mother and obeyed her commands, never slept without her, never went out, never took food; she did not have one coin of her own, but rejoiced that her mother distributed the paternal and maternal property to the poor and believed that the greatest heredity and wealth was piety for her parent. I should not pass over in silence how much she [Paula] rejoiced that her granddaughter Paula, child of Laeta and Toxotius, conceived rather by the vowed promise of future virginity, was heard singing alleluia in her cradle with rattles and stammering tongue and breaking up the names of her grandmother and aunt with half words. For this alone she desired her fatherland, that she might see her son, daughter-in-law and granchild renounce the world and serve Christ. Which she obtained in part, for the grandchild is promised by veil to Christ, the daughter-in-law gives herself to eternal modesty and follows her mother-in-law with works of faith and alms, and tries to imitate at Rome what Paula accomplished in Jerusalem.
27. What are we doing, my soul? Why do you fear to come to her death? The book is already too long, while we are afraid to come to the end, as if by being silent [about that] and concentrating on praising her, the death could be put off. Up to now we have sailed with favorable winds and the keel has glided through the rough waters of the sea; now speech runs into rocks and shipwreck threatens both monasteries so we are compelled to say: "master, save us, we are perishing" [Luke 8:24] and "rise, lord, why do you sleep?" [Ps.43:23]. For who can with dry eyes tell of Paula dying? She fell into the most serious ill health, rather she found what she desired, that she would leave us and fully join the lord. In that illness, the piety of her daughter Eustochium which she had always shown her mother was more confirmed to all. She sat by her bed, held the fan, raised her head, adjusted the pillow, rubbed her feet with her hands, heated her stomach, arranged soft coverings, tempered the hot water, placed her cloth, preempted the functions of all the handmaids, thinking that whatever others did took away from her reward. With what prayers, what tears and sighs she ran between her reclining mother and the cave of the lord, not to be deprived of such companionship, not to live with her absent but to be carried on the same bier. But, o fragile and fallen nature of mortals, except that the faith of Christ raises us to heaven and promises eternity to the soul, the condition of our bodies is one with beasts and cattle. It is the same death for the just and impious, for the good and bad, for the pure and impure, for the one who sacrifices and the one who does not. As the good, so the sinner, as the one who swears, so the one who fears an oath. Men and animals are destroyed in cinder and ashes.
28. Why do I put it off and make my pain longer by delaying over other things? That most wise of women felt death had come and with her body and members cold, the only heat of life beating in her holy and sacred breast and yet as if she were coming to her [people] and leaving strangers, she whispered these little verses: "lord, I love the beauty of your house and the dwelling place of your glory" [Ps.25:8] and "how lovely is your dwelling, lord of virtues! my soul longs and faints for the courts of the lord" [Ps.83:2-3] and "I would rather be abject in the house of my God than live in the dwellings of sinners" [Ps.83:11]. When I asked her why she was silent, why she did not want to answer, if she felt any pain, she answered in Greek that she had no trouble, but saw everything quiet and tranquil. After that she did not speak, but with eyes closed, as if she already scorned human things, she repeated those verses until her soul expired, so I could scarcely hear what she said, and holding her finger to her mouth, she depicted the sign of the cross on her lips. Her breathing had stopped, she was gasping in death, but she converted the rattle of the soul escaping, with which the life of mortals ends, into praise of the lord. Bishops from Jerusalem and other cities came and priests of lower rank and an innumerable multitude of levites. The whole monastery was filled with choirs of virgins and monks. Immediately that she heard her spouse calling: "arise, my love, come away, my beauty, my dove, for the winter is past, the rain has gone" [Cant.2:10-11], she answered happily: "the flowers appear on the earth, the time of cutting has come" [Cant.2:12] and "I believe that I see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living" [Ps.26:13].
29. One did not then hear wails and laments, as happens with worldly people, but multitudes of monks sounded psalms in different tongues. And she was carried by the hands of bishops — bending their necks to the bier — while other pontiffs carried lamps and candles before it, others led the choirs singing psalms, and she was placed in the middle of the church in the cave. A whole crowd came to the funeral from the Palestinian cities. What cell of monks hiding in the desert could hold them? What secrets of virgin chambers? It was considered a sacrilege not to render the last offices to such a woman. Widows and paupers, taking Dorcas as model, showed the clothes given by her [cf.Acts 9:39]; every multitude of those in want cried out that they had lost a mother and a nurse. It was a wonder that no pallor showed in her face, but such dignity and seriousness that you would have thought her not dead but asleep. Psalms were heard in order in Latin and Syrian not only for three days and until she was placed under the church next to the lord's cave but through the whole week from all the belivers who came marking her death with their own tears. The venerable virgin, her daughter Eustochium, as if she were being weaned, could not be drawn away from her mother; she kissed her eyes, clung to her face, embraced her whole body, and wanted to be buried with her mother.
30. Jesus is my witness that she did not leave one coin to her daughter but, as I said before, left a great mass of debts and — what is more difficult — an immense multitude of brothers and sisters. Whom it is difficult to sustain and would be impious to abandon. What virtue more admirable than this: a woman of a most noble family, once with great wealth who gave everything with such faith that she brought herself almost to indigence at the end? Let others boast of the money, bronze piled up in offering to God, gifts hanging with gold ropes — no one gave more to the poor than she who left nothing to herself. Now she enjoys riches and goods "what no eye has seen nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived" [1Cor.2:9]. We grieve for our own sake and will seem to envy her glory if we wish to weep longer for her reigning.
31. Be sure of this, Eustochium; you are enriched by a great inheritance. Your share is the lord and, what is greater joy, your mother is crowned by her long martyrdom. It is not only the shedding of blood that is computed in confession [of faith], but the service of a devoted mind is also a daily martyrdom/witness. Her crown is braided with roses and violets, with lilies. Whence it is written in the Song of Songs: "my beloved is radiant and ruddy" [Cant.5:10], and in peace and in war the same prizes are given to the conquerors. Your mother, I say, heard with Abraham: "go out from your land and your family and come to the land which I shall show you" [Gen.12:1] and, through Jeremiah, the lord commanding: "flee from the midst of Babylon and save your lives" [Jer.28/51:6] and up to the day of her death she did not return to Chaldaea nor did she desire the jars of Egypt and the stench of its flesh, but accompanied by virginal choirs she became a fellowcitizen of the saviour and from little Bethlehem rising to heavenly kingdoms she says to the true Naomi: "your people is my people and your God my God" [Ruth 1:16].
32. This book I dictated for you over two working nights with the same grief you bear. For whenever I would take up my pen and produce the promised work, my fingers went stiff, my hand fell, my mind languished. Thus the uncultivated speech testifies to the dedication of the writer without any elegance or charm of words.
33. Farewell Paula and help the final old age of your “cultor"(4) with your prayers. Faith and your works associate you with Christ, and you will achieve more easily in his presence what you ask for. I have fashioned a monument more enduring than bronze, which age cannot destroy. I have engraved a saying on your tomb which I add to this volume so that wherever our speech reaches, the reader may know that you were praised and buried in Bethlehem.
Inscription on the tomb:
Born from the Scipios, sprung from pauline parents,
scion of the Gracchi, child of the famed Agamemnon.
Here in this tomb lies Paula, foremost in fame;
mother of Eustochium, first in the Senate of Rome, she was.
She made herself a pauper following Christ to rural Bethlehem.
And at the entrance of the cave:
Do you see this tomb, hollowed from the rock?
It is Paula's resting place as she takes up her celestial kingdom.
She left brother, family, her home in Rome, wealth and progeny for a cave in Bethlehem.
Here was the manger and here the magi bore mystical gifts to Christ, both man and God.(5)
34. Holy and blessed Paula went to sleep on the seventh Kalends of February [January 26], the third hour after sunset on Saturday. She was buried on the fifth Kalends [January 28] in the consulship of Honorius Augustus VI and Aristaenetus. She lived in her holy profession five years in Rome, 20 years in Bethlehem. The full time of her life was fifty-six years, eight months, twenty one days.

Original letter:

Epitaphium Sanctae Paulae
1. Si cuncta mei corporis membra uerterentur in linguas et omnes artus humana uoce resonarent, nihil dignum sanctae ac uenerabilis Paulae uirtutibus dicerem. nobilis genere, sed multo nobilior sanctitate, potens quondam diuitiis, sed nunc Christi paupertate insignior, Gracchorum stirps, suboles Scipionum, Pauli heres, cuius uocabulum trahit, Maeciae Papiriae, matris Africani, uera et germana progenies, Romae praetulit Bethlem et auro tecta fulgentia informis luti uilitate mutauit. non maeremus, quod talem amisimus, sed gratias agimus, quod habuimus, immo habemus — deo enim uiuunt omnia et, quidquid refertur ad dominum, in familiae numero conputatur, quamquam amissio illius caelestis domus habitatio sit—, quae, quamdiu in corpore fuit, peregrinata est a domino et uoce semper flebili querebatur dicens: heu mihi, quia peregrinatio mea prolongata est, habitaui cum habitantibus Cedar, multum peregrinata est anima mea. et minim, si planxerit se uersari in tenebris — hoc enim Cedar interpretatur —, cum mundus in maligno positus sit? et sicut tenebrae eius, ita et lumen eius; luxque in tenebris lucet et tenebrae eam non adprehenderunt. unde et illud crebrius inferebat: aduena sum et peregrina sicut omnes patres mei, et iterum: cupio dissolui et esse cum Christo, quotiens autem infirmitate corpusculi, quam incredibili abstinentia et duplicatis contraxerat ieiuniis, uexabatur, hoc in ore uoluebat: subicio corpus meum et in seruitutem redigo, ne aliis praedicans ipsa reproba inueniar, et: bonum est uinum non bibere et carnem non manducare et: humiliaui in ieiunio animam meam et: totum lectum meum uersasti in infirmitate et: uersata sum in miseria, dum mihi infigitur spina, atque inter doloris aculeos, quos mira patientia sustinebat, quasi apertos sibi caelos aspiceret, loquebatur: quis dabit mihi pinnas sicut columbae et uolabo et requiescam?
2. Testor Iesum et sanctos angelos eius ipsumque proprie angelum, qui custos fuit et comes admirabilis feminae, me nihil in gratia, nihil more laudantium, sed, quidquid dicturus sum, pro testimonio dicere et minus eius esse mentis, quam totus orbis canit, sacerdotes mirantur, uirginum chori desiderant, monachorum et pauperum turba deplangit. uult lector breuiter eius scire uirtutes? omnes suos pauperes pauperior ipsa dimisit. nec mirum de proximis et familiola, quam in utroque sexu de seruis et ancillis in fratres sororesque mutauerat, ista proferre, cum Eustochium, uirginem et deuotam Christo filiam, in cuius consolationem libellus hic cuditur, procul a nobili genere sola fide et gratia diuitem reliquerit.
3. Carpamus igitur narrandi ordinem. alii altius repetant et ab incunabulis eius ipsisque, ut ita dicam, crepundiis matrem Blesillam et Rogatum proferant patrem — quorum altera Scipionum Graechorumque progenies est, alter per omnes Graecias usque hodie et stemmatibus et diuitiis ac nobilitate Agamemnonis fertur sanguinem trahere, qui decennali Troiam obsidione deleuit—, nos nihil laudabimus, nisi quod proprium est et de purissimo sanctae mentis fonte profertur. quamquam dominus atque saluator in euangelio doceat apostolos sciscitantes, quid sibi redditurus sit, qui omnia sua pro nomine eius dimiserint, centuplum in praesentiarum recepturos et in futuro uitam aeternam — ex quo intellegimus non laudis esse possidere diuitias, sed pro Christo eas contemnere, non tumere ad honores, sed pro domini fide eos parui pendere—, uere, quod pollicitus est seruis suis et ancillis saluator, reddidit in praesenti. nam quae unius urbis contempsit gloriam, totius orbis opinione celebratur; quam Romae habitantem nullus extra Romam nouerat, latentem in Bethlem et barbara et Romana terra miratur. cuius enim gentis homines ad sancta loca non ueniunt? quis autem in sanctis locis praeter Paulam, quod plus inter homines miraretur, inuenit? et sicut inter multas gemmas pretiosissima gemma micat et iubar solis paruos igniculos stellarum obruit et obscurat, ita cunctorum uirtutes et potentias sua humilitate superauit minimaque fuit inter omnes, ut omnium maior esset, et quanto se plus deiciebat, tanto magis a Christo subleuabatur. latebat et non latebat. fugiendo gloriam gloriam merebatur, quae uirtutem quasi umbra sequitur et adpetitores sui deserens adpetit contemptores. sed io quid ago? narrandi ordinem praetermittens, dum in singulis teneor, non seruo praecepta dicendi.
4. Tali igitur stirpe generata iunctaque uiro Toxotio, qui Aeneae et Iuliorum altissimum sanguinem trahit. unde etiam Christi uirgo, filia eius, Eustochium Iulia nuncupatur et ipse Iulius, a magno demissum nomen Iulo. et haec dicimus, non quo habentibus grandia sint, sed quo contemnentibus mirabilia. saeculi homines suspiciunt eos, qui his pollent priuilegiis; nos laudamus, qui pro saluatore ista despexerint. et mirum in modum, quos habentes parui pendimus, si habere noluerint, praedicamus. his, inquam, orta maioribus et fecunditate ac pudicitia probata primum uiro, dein propinquis et totius urbis testimonio, cum quinque liberos edidisset—Blesillam, super cuius morte eam Romae consolatus sum. Paulinam, quae sanctum et admirabilem uirum et propositi et rerum suarum Pammachium reliquit heredem, ad quem super obitu eius paruum libellum edidimus, Eustochium, quae nunc in sanctis locis uirginitatis et ecclesiae monile pretiosissimum est, Rufinam, quae inmaturo funere pium matris animum consternauit, et Toxotium, post quem parere desiuit, ut intellegeres eam non diu seruire uoluisse officio coniugali, sed mariti desiderio, qui mares optabat liberos, oboedisse —,
5. postquam uir mortuus est, ita eum planxit, ut prope ipsa moreretur, ita se conuertit ad domini seruitutem, ut mortem eius uideretur optasse. quid ergo referam amplae et nobilis domus et quondam opulentissimae omnes paene diuitias in pauperes erogatas? quid in cunctos clementissimum animum et bonitatem etiam in eos, quos numquam uiderat, euagantem? quis inopum moriens non illius uestibus obuolutus est, quis clinicorum non eius facultatibus sustentatus? quos curiosissime tota urbe perquirens damnum putabat, si quisquam debilis et esuriens cibo sustentaretur alterius. expoliabat filios et inter obiurgantes propinquos maiorem se eis hereditatem Christi misericordiam dimittere loquebatur.
6. Nec diu potuit excelsi apud saeculum generis et nobilissimae familiae uisitationes et frequentiam sustinere. maerebat honore suo et ora laudantium declinare ac fugere festinabat. cumque orientis et occidentis episcopos ob quasdam ecclesiarum dissensiones Romam imperiales litterae contraxissent, uidit admirabiles uiros Christique pontifices: Paulinum, Antiochenae urbis episcopum, Epiphanium, Salaminae Cypri, quae nunc Constantia dicitur, quorum Epiphanium etiam hospitem habuit, Paulinum in aliena manentem doma quasi proprium humanitate possedit. quorum accensa uirtutibus per momenta patriam deserere cogitabat. non domus, non liberorum, non familiae, non possessionum, non alicuius rei, quae ad saeculum pertinet, memor sola—si dici potest— et incomitata ad heremum Antoniorum atque Paulorum pergere gestiebat. tandemque exacta hieme, aperto mari redeuntibus ad ecclesias suas episcopis ipsa uoto cum eis et desiderio nauigabat. quid ultra differo? descendit ad portum fratre, cognatis, affinibus et—quod his maius est—liberis prosequentibus. iam carbasa tendebantur et remorum ductu nauis in altum protrahebatur, paruus Toxotius supplices manus tendebat in litore, Rufina iam nubilis, ut suas expectaret nuptias, tacens fletibus obsecrabat, et tamen siccos oculos tendebat ad caelum pietatem in filios pietate in deum superans. nesciebat matrem, ut Christi probaret ancillam. torquebantur uiscera et, quasi a suis membris distraheretur, cum dolore pugnabat in eo cunctis admirabilior, quod magnam uinceret caritatem. inter hostium manus et captiuitatis duram necessitatem nihil crudelius est quam parentes a liberis separari; hoc contra iura naturae plena fides patiebatur, immo gaudens animus adpetebat et amorem filiorum maiore in deum amore contemnens in sola Eustochio, quae et propositi et nauigationis eius comes erat, adquiescebat. sulcabat interim nauis mare et cunctis, qui cum ea uehebantur, litora respicientibus illa auersos tenebat oculos, ne uideret, quos sine tormento uidere non poterat. fateor, nulla sic amauit filios, quibus, antequam proficisceretur. cuncta largita est exheredans in terra, ut hereditatem inueniret in caelo.
7. Delata ad insulam Pontias, quam clarissimae memoriae quondam feminarum sub Domitiano principe pro confessione nominis Christiani Flauiae Domitillae nobilitauit exilium, uidensque cellulas, in quibus illa longum martyrium duxerat, sumptis alis Hierosolymam, sancta loca uidere cupiebat. tardi ei erant uenti, omnis pigra uelocitas. inter Scyllam et Charybdim Adriatico se credens pelago quasi per stagnum uenit Methonen ibique refocilato paululum corpusculo et sale tabentis artus in litore ponens, per Maleas et Cytheram sparsasque per aequor Cycladas et crebris.... freta concita terris post Rhodum et Lyciam tandem uidit Cyprum, ubi sancti et uenerabilis Epiphanii genibus prouoluta decem ab eo diebus retenta est non in refectionem, ut ille arbitrabatur, sed in opus dei, ut rebus probatum est. nam omnia illius regionis lustrans monasteria, prout habere poterat, refrigeria sumptuum fratribus dereliquit, quos amor sancti uiri de toto illuc orbe conduxerat. inde breui cursu transfretauit Seleuciam, de qua ascendens Antiochiam sancti confessorisque Paulini modicum caritate detenta media hieme calente ardore fidei femina nobilis, quae prius eunuchorum manibus portabatur, asello sedens profecta est.
8. Omitto Syriae Codes et Phoenicis iter — neque enim odoeporicum eius disposui scribere—, ea tantum loca nominabo, quae sacris uoluminibus continentur. Beryto, Romana colonia et antiqua urbe Sidone derelicta in Sareptae litore Heliae est ingressa turriculam, io in qua adorato domino saluatore per harenas Tyri, in quibus Paulus genua fixerat, peruenit Accho, quae nunc Ptolomais dicitur, et per campos Mageddo Iosiae necis conscios intrauit terram Phylistiim. mirata ruinas Dor, urbis quondam potentissimae, et uersa uice Stratonis turrem ab Herode, rege Iudaeae, in honorem Caesaris Augusti Caesaream nuncupatam, in qua Cornelii domum Christi uidit ecclesiam et Philippi aediculas et cubiculum quattuor uirginum prophetarum, dein Antipatrida,semirutum oppidulum, quod patris ex nomine Herodes uocauerat, et Lyddam uersam in Diospolim, Dorcadis atque Aneae resurrectione ac sanitate inclitam, haut proculabea Arimathiam, uiculum Ioseph, qui dominum sepeliuit, et Nob, urbem quondam sacerdotum,nunc tumulos occisorum, Ioppen quoque, fugientis portum Ionae et — ut aliquid perstringam de fabulis poetaram — religatae ad saxum Andromedae spectatricem, repetitoque itinere Nicopolim, quae prius Emmaus uocabatur, apud quam in fractione panis cognitus dominus Cleopae domum in ecclesiam dedicauit. atque inde proficiscens ascendit Bethoron inferiorem et superiorem, urbes a Salomone conditas et uaria postea bellorum tempestate deletas, ad dextram aspiciens Aialon et Gabaon, ubi Iesus, filius Naue, contra quinque reges dimicans soli imperauit et lunae et Gabaonitas ob dolum et insidias foederis inpetrati in aquarios lignariosque damnauit, in Gabaa urbe usque ad solum diruta paululum substitit recordata peccati eius et concubinae in frusta diuisae et tribus Beniamin bis trecentos uiros propter Paulum apostolum reseruatos.
9. Quid diu moror? ad laeuam mausoleo Helenae derelicto, quae Adiabenorum regina in fame populum frumento iuuauerat, ingressa est Hierosolymam, urbem trionymon [Greek]: Iebus, Salem, Hierusalem, quae ab Aelio postea Adriano de ruinis et cineribus ciuitatis in Aeliam suscitata est. cumque proconsule Palaestinae, qui familiam eius optime nouerat, praemissis apparitoribus iussisset parari praetorium, elegit humilem cellulam et cuncta loca tanto ardore ac studio circumiuit, ut, nisi ad reliqua festinaret, a primis non posset abduci, prostrataque ante crucem, quasi pendentem dominum cerneret, adorabat. ingressa sepulchrum resurrectionis osculabatur lapidem, quem ab ostio sepulchri amouerat angelus, et ipsum corporis locum, in quo dominus iacuerat, quasi sitiens desideratas aquas fide, ore lambebat. quid ibi lacrimarum, quantum gemitum doloris effuderit, testis est cuncta Hierosolyma, testis ipse dominus, quem rogabat. unde egrediens ascendit Sion, quae in ‘arcem uel ‘speculam’ uertitur. hanc urbem quondam expugnauit et aedificauit Dauid. de expugnata scribitur: uae tibi, ciuitas Arihel — id est eo dei‘ et quondam fortissima, —, quam expugnauit Dauid; de ea, quae aedificata est: fundameita eius in montibus sanctis; di1igit dominus portas Sion super omnia tabernacu1a Iacob, non eas portas, quas hodie cernimus in fauillam et cinerem dissolutas, sed portas, quibus infernus non praeualet, per quas credentium ad Christum ingreditur multitudo. ostendebatur illic columna ecclesiae porticum sustinens, infecta cruore domini, ad quam uinctus dicitur flagellatus. monstrabatur locus, ubi super centum uiginti animas spiritus sanctus descendisset, ut Iohelis uaticinium conpleretur.
10. Deinde pro facultatula sua pauperibus atque conseniis pecunia distributa perrexit Bethlem et in dextra parte itineris stetit ad sepulchrum Rachel, in quo Beniamin non, ut mater uocauerat moriens, Benoni, hoc est ‘filium doloris mei‘, sed, ut pater prophetauit in spiritu, ‘filium dexterae' procreauit. atque inde specum saluatoris ingrediens, postquam uidit sacrum uirginis diuersorium et stabulum, in quo agnouit bos possessorem suum et asinus praesepe domini sui, ut inpleretur illud, quod in eodem propheta scriptum est: beatus, qui seminat super aquas, ubi bos et asinus calcant, me audiente iurabat cernere se fidei oculis infantem pannis inuolutum uagientem in praesepe, deum magos adorantes, stellam fulgentem desuper, matrem uirginem, nutricium sedulum, pastores nocte uenientes, ut uiderent uerbum, quod factum erat, et iam tunc euangelistae Iohannis principium dedicarent: in principio erat uerbum et uerbum caro factum est, paruulos interfectos, Herodem saeuientem, Ioseph et Mariam fugientes in Aegyptum. mixtisque gaudio lacrimis loquebatur: ‘salue, Bethlem, domus panis, in qua natus est ille panis, qui de caelo descendit. salue, Ephrata, regio uberrima atque karpoforos [Greek], cuius fertilitas deus est. de te quondam Micheas uaticinatus est: et tu, Bethleem domus Ephrata, nonne minima es in milibus Iuda? ex te mihi egredietur, qui sit princeps in Israhel, et egressus eius ab initio, a diebus aeternis. propterea dabis eos usque ad tempus parientis. pariet et reliquiae fratrum eius conuertentur ad filios Israhel. in te enim natus est princeps, qui ante Luciferum genitus est, cuius de patre natiuitas omnem excedit aetatem. et tam diu in te Dauitici generis origo permansit, donec uirgo pareret et reliquiae populi credentis in Christum conuerterentur ad filios Israhel et libere praedicarent: uobis oportebat primum loqui uerbum dei, sed, quoniam repellitis et indignos uos iudicastis aeternae uitae, conuertimur ad gentes. dixerat enim dominus: non ueni nisi ad oues perditas domus Israhel. et eo tempore Iacob super eo uerba conpleta sunt: non deficiet princeps ex Iuda et dux de femoribus eius, donec ueniat, cui repositum est, et ipse erit expectatio gentium, bene Dauid iurabat, bene uota faciebat dicens: si introiero in tabernaculum domus meae, si ascendero in lectum stratus mei, si dedero somnum oculis meis et palpebris meis dormitationem et requiem temporibus meis, donec inueniam locum domino, tabernaculum deo Iacob. et statim, quid desideraret, exposuit atque oculis prophetalibus, quem nos uenisse iam credimus, ille uenturum esse cernebat: ecce audiuimus eum in Ephrata, inuenimus eum in campis siluae. ‘zoth‘ quippe sermo Hebraicus, ut te docente didici, non Mariam, matrem domini, hoc est auten [Greek], sed ipsum, id est auton, significat. unde loquitur confidenter: introibimus in tabernacula eius; adorabimus in loco, ubi steterunt pedes eius. et ego, misera atque peccatrix, digna sum iudicata deosculari praesepe, in quo dominus paruulus uagiit, orare in spelunca, in qua uirgo puerpera deum fudit infantem? haec requies mea, quia domini mei patria est. hic habitabo, quoniam saluator elegit eam. paraui lucernam Christo meo. anima mea illi uiuet et semen meum seruiet ipsi’. haut procul inde descendit ad turrem Ader, id est ‘gregis‘, iuxtaquam Iacob pauit greges suos et pastores nocte uigilantes audire meruerunt: gloria in excelsis deo et super terram pax hominibus bonae uoluntatis. dumque seruant oues, inuenerunt agnum dei puro et mundissimo uellere, quod in ariditate totius terrae caelesti rore conplutum est et cuius sanguis tulit peccata mundi et exterminatorem Aegypti litus fugauit in postibus.
11. Statimque concito gradu coepit per uiam ueterem pergere, quae ducit Gazam, ad potentiam uel diuitias dei, et tacita secum uoluere, quomodo eunuchus Aethiops gentium populos praefigurans mutauerit pellem suam et, dum uetus relegit instrumentum, fontem repperit euangelii. atque inde ad dexteram transit, a Bethsur uenit Eschol, quae in ‘botruum’ uertitur. unde in testimonium terrae fertilissimae et typum eius, qui dicit: torcular calcaui solus et degentibus uir non fuit mecum, exploratores botruum mirae magnitudinis portauerunt. nec post longum spatium intrauit Sarrae cellulas uidens incunabula Isaac et uestigia quercus Abraham, sub qua uidit diem Christi et laetatus est. atque inde consurgens ascendit Chebron, haec est Chariatharbe, id est ‘oppidum uirorum quattuor’, Abraham, Isaac et Iacob et Adam magni, quem ibi conditum iuxta librum Hiesu Hebraei autumant, licet plerique Chaleb quartum putent, cuius ex latere memoria demonstratur. noluit pergere ad Chariath-sepher, id est ‘uinculum litterarum’, quia contemnens occidentem litteram reppererat spiritum uiuificantem. magisque mirabatur superiores et inferiores aquas, quas Gothonihel, filius Iephone Cenez, pro australi terra et arida possessione susceperat et quorum ductu siccos prioris instrumenti agros faciebat inriguos, ut redemptionem ueterum peccatorum in aquis baptismi repperirent. altero die orto iam sole stetit in supercilio Caphar-baruchae, id est ‘uillae benedictionis’, quem ad locum Abraham dominum prosecutus est. unde latam despiciens solitudinem et terram quondam Sodomae et Gomorrae, Adamae et Seboim contemplata est balsami uineas in Engaddi et Segor, uitulam conternantem, quae prius Bala uocabatur et in Zoaram, id est ‘paruulam, Syro sermone translata est. recordabatur speluncae Loth et uersa in lacrimas uirgines socias admonebat cauendum esse uinum, in quo est luxuria et cuius opus Moabitae sunt et Ammonitae.
12. Diu haereo in meridie, ubi sponsa cubantem repperit sponsum et Ioseph inebriatus est cum fratribus suis. reuertar Hierosolymam et per Thecuam atque Amos rutilantem montis oliueti crucem aspiciam, de quo saluator ascendit ad patrem, in quo per annos singulos uacca rufa in holocaustum domini cremabatur et cuius cinis expiabat populum Israhel, in quo iuxta Hiezechiel cherubin de templo transmigrantes ecclesiam domini fundauerunt. ingressa sepulchrum Lazari Mariae et Marthae uidit hospitium et Bethfage, uillam sacerdotalium maxillarum, et locum, in quo pullus lasciuiens gentium domini frena suscepit apostolorumque stratus uestibus mollia terga praebuit ad sedendum. rectoque itinere descendebat Hierichum cogitans illum de euangelio uulneratum et sacerdotibus ac Leuitis mentis feritate praetereuntibus clementiam Samaritae, id est ‘custodis’, qui seminecem suo inpositum iumento ad stabulum eeclesiae deportauit, et locum Adommim, quod interpretatur ‘sanguinum’, quia multus in eo sanguis crebris latronum fundebatur incursibus, et arborem morum Zacchei, id est bona paenitentiae opera, quibus cruenta dudum et noxia rapinis peccata calcabat excelsumque dominum de excelso uirtutum intuebatur, et iuxta uiam caecorum loca, qui receptis luminibus utriusque populi credentis in dominum sacramenta praemiserant. ingressa Hierichum uidit urbem, quam fundauit Ahiel in Abiram, primogenito suo, et cuius portas posuit in Segub, nouissimo filiorum. intuita est castra Galgalae et aceruum praeputiorum et secundae circumcisionis mysterium et duodecim lapides, qui de Iordanis illuc translati alueo duodecim apostolorum fundamenta firmauerant, et fontem quondam legis amarissimum et sterilem, quem uerus Heliseus sua condiuit sapientia et in dulcorem ubertatemque conuertit. uix nox pertransierat, feruentissimo aestu uenit ad Iordanem; stetit in ripa fluminis et orto sole solis iustitiae recordata est, quomodo in medio amnis alueo sicca sacerdotes posuerint uestigia et ad Heliae atque Helisei imperium stantibus ex utraque parte aquis iter unda praebuerit pollutasque diluuio aquas et totius humani generis interfectione maculatas suo dominus mundarit baptismate.
13. Longum est, si uelim de ualle Achor dicere, id est ‘tumultus atque turbarum’, in qua furtum et auaritia condemnata est, et de Bethel, ‘domo dei‘, in qua super nudam humum nudus et pauper dormiuit Iacob et posito subter caput lapide, qui in Zaccharia septem oculos habere describitur et in Isaia lapis dicitur angularis, uidit scalam ad caelum usque tendentem, in qua dominus desuper nitebatur ascendentibus porrigens manum et neglegentes de sublimi praecipitans. sepulchra quoque in monte Ephraim Hiesu, filii Naue, et Eleazari, filii Aaron sacerdotis, e regione uenerata est — quorum alter conditus est in Thamnathsare a septentrionali parte montis Gaas, alter in Gabaath filii sui Finees — satisque mirata est, quod distributor possessionum sibi montana et aspera delegisset. quid narrem Silo, in quo altare dirutum hodieque monstratur et raptum Sabinarum a Romulo tribus Beniamitica praecucurrit? transiuit Sychem — non, ut plerique errantes legunt, Sichar —, quae nunc Neapolis appellatur, et ex latere montis Garizim extructam circa puteum Iacob intrauit ecclesiam, super quo dominus residens sitiensque et esuriens Samaritanae fide satiatus est, quae quinque Mosaicorum uoluminum uiris et sexto, quem se habere iactabat, errore Dosithei, derelicto uerum Messiam et uerum repperit saluatorem. atque inde deuertens uidit duodecim patriarcharum sepulchra et Sebasten, id est Samariam, quae in honorem Augusti ab Herode Graeco sermone Augusta est nominata. ibi siti sunt Heliseus et Abdias prophetae et — quo maior inter natos mulierum non fuit — Baptista Iohannes. ubi multis intremuit mirabilibus. namque cernebat daemones uariis rugire cruciatibus et ante sepulchra sanctorum ululare homines luporum uocibus, latrare canum, fremere leonum, sibilare serpentum, mugire taurorum, alios rotare caput et post tergum terram uertice tangere suspensisque pede feminis uestes non defluere in faciem. miserebatur omnium et per singulos effusis lacrimis Christi clementiam deprecabatur. et, sicut erat inualida, ascendit pedibus montem, in cuius duabus speluncis persecutionis et famis tempore Abdias propheta centum prophetas aluit pane et aqua, cito itinere percucurrit Nazaram, nutriculam domini, Canam et Capharnaum, signorum eius familiares, lacum Tiberiadis nauigante domino sanctificatum et solitudinem, in qua multa populorum milia paucis saturata sunt panibus et de reliquiis uescentium repleti sunt cophini duodecim tribuum Israhel. scandebat montem Thabor, in quo transfiguratus est dominus. aspiciebat procul montes Hermon et Hermonim et campos latissimos Galilaeae, in quibus Sisara et omnis eius exercitus Barach uincente prostratus est. torrens Cison mediam planitiem diuidebat et oppidum iuxta Naim, in quo uiduae suscitatus est filius, monstrabatur. dies me prius quam sermo deficiet, si uoluero cuncta percurrere, quae Paula uenerabilis fide incredibili peruagata est.
14. Transibo Aegyptum et in Soccoth atque apud fontem Samson, quem de molari maxillae dente produxit, subsistam parumper et arentia ora conluam, ut refocilatus uideam Morasthi, sepulchrum quondam Micheae prophetae, nunc ecclesiam. et ex latere derelinquam Chorraeos et Gethaeos, Maresa, Idumaeam et Lachis et per harenas mollissimas pergentium uestigia subtrahentes latamque heremi uastitatem ueniam ad Aegypti fluuium Sior, qui interpretatur ‘turbidus’, et quinque Aegypti transeam ciuitates, quae loquuntur lingua Chananitidi, et terram Gesen et campos Thaneos, in quibus fecit deus mirabilia, et urbem Noo, quae postea uersa est in Alexandriam, et oppidum domini Nitriam, in quo purissime uirtutum nitro sordes lauantur cotidie plurimorum. quod cum uidisset, occurrente sibi sancto et uenerabili uiro, episcopo Isidoro confessore, et turbis innumerabilibus monachorum, e quibus multos sacerdotalis et Leuiticus sublimabat gradus, laetabatur quidem ad gloriam domini, sed se indignam tanto honore fatebatur. quid ego narrem Macharios, Arsetes, Sarapionas et reliqua columnarum Christi nomina? cuius non intrauit cellulam? quorum non pedibus aduoluta est? per singulos sanctos Christum se uidere credebat et, quid quid in illos contulerat, contulisse in dominum laetabatur. mirus ardor et uix in femina credibilis fortitudo! oblita sexus et fragilitatis corporeae inter tot milia monachorum cum puellis suis habitare cupiebat. et forsitan cunctis eam suscipientibus inpetrasset, ni maius sanctorum locorum retraxisset desiderium. atque propter feruentissimos aestus de Pelusio Maiumam nauigatione perueniens tanta uelocitate reuersa est, ut auem putares. nec multo post in sancta Bethleem mansura perpetuo angusto per triennium mansit hospitio, donec extrueret cellulas ac monasteria et diuersorium peregrinorum iuxta uiam conderet, quia Maria et Ioseph hospitium non inuenerant. huc usque iter eius descriptum sit, quod multis uirginibus et filia comite peragrauit.
15. Nunc uirtus latius describatur, quae ipsius propria est et in qua exponenda deo iudice ac teste profiteor me nihil addere, nihil in maius extollere more laudantium, sed, ne rerum excedat fidem, is multa detrahere, et ne apud detractatores et genuino me semper dente rodentes fingere puter et cornicem Aesopi alienis coloribus adornare. quae prima Christianorum uirtus est, tanta se humilitate deiecit, ut, qui eam uidisset et pro celebritate nominis uidere gestisset, ipsam esse non crederet, sed ancillarum ultimam. et cum frequentibus choris uirginum cingeretur, et ueste et uoce et habitu et incessu minima omnium erat. numquam post uiri mortem usque ad diem dormitionis suae cum ullo comedit uiro, quamuis eum sanctum et in pontificali sciret culmine positum; balneas nisi periclitans non adiit. mollia etiam in grauissima febri lectuli strata non habuit, sed super durissimam humum stratis ciliciolis quiescebat, si tamen illa quies dicenda est, quae iugibus paene orationibus dies noctesque iungebat illud inplens de Psalterio: lauabo per singulas noctes lectum meum, in lacrimis stratum meum rigabo. in qua fontes crederes lacrimarum; ita leuia peccata plangebat, ut illam grauissimonim criminum crederes ream, cumque a nobis crebrius moneretur, ut parceret oculis et eos seruaret euangelicae lectioni, aiebat: ‘turpanda est facies, quam contra dei praeceptum purpurisso et cenissa et stibio saepe depinxi; adfligendum corpus, quod multis uacauit deliciis; longus risus perpeti conpensandus est fletu; mollia linteamina et serica pretiosissima asperitate cilicii conmutanda. quae uiro et saeculo placui, nunc Christo placere desidero’. si inter tales tantasque uirtutes castitatem in illa uoluero praedicare, superfluus uidear. in qua etiam, cum saecularis esset, omnium Romae matronarum exemplum fuit; quae ita se gessit, ut numquam de illa etiam maledicorum quicquam auderet fama confingere. nihil animo eius clementius, nihil erga humiles blandius fuit. non adpetebat potentes nec tamen superbo et gloriolam quaerente fastidio despiciebat. si pauperem uiderat, sustentabat; si diuitem, ad benefaciendum cohortabatur. liberalitas sola excedebat modum et usuras tribuens uersuram quoque saepe faciebat, ut nulli stipem se rogantium denegaret. fateor errorem meum: cur in largiendo esset profusior, arguebam illud proferens de apostolo: non ut aliis refrigerium, uobis autem tribulatio, sed ex aequalitate in hoc tempore, ut uestra abundantia sit ad illorum inopiam, ut et illorum abundantia sit ad uestram inopiam, et hoc de euangelio saluatoris: qui habet duas tunicas, det alteram non habenti et prouidendum esse, ne, quod libenter faceret, semper facere non posset, multaque huiusce modi, quae illa mira uerecundia et sermone parcissimo dissoluebat testem inuocans dominum se pro illius nomine cuncta facere et hoc habere uoti, ut mendicans ipsa moreretur, ut unum minimum filiae non dimitteret et in funere suo aliena sindone inuolueretur. ad extremum inferebat: ‘ego, si petiero, multos inueniam, qui mihi tribuant; iste mendicans si a me non acceperit, quae ei possum etiam de alieno tribuere, et mortuus fuerit, a quo eius anima requiretur?’ ego cautior in re familiari esse cupiebam, sed illa ardentior fide toto saluatori animo iungebatur et pauperem dominum pauper spiritu sequebatur reddens ei, quod acceperat, pro ipso pauper effecta. denique consecuta est, quod optabat, et in grandi aere alieno filiam dereliquit, quod adhuc usque debens non suis uiribus, sed Christi se fide et misericordia reddituram.
16. Solent pleraeque matronarum bucinatoribus suis dona conferre et in paucos largitate profusa manum a ceteris retrahere: quo illa omnino carebat uitio; ita enim singulis suam pecuniam diuidebat, ut singulis necessarium erat, non ad luxuriam, sed ad necessitatem. nemo ab ea pauperum uacuus reuersus est. quod obtinebat non diuitiarum magnitudine, sed prudentia dispensandi illud semper replicans: beati misericordes, quoniam ipsi misericordiam consequent uret: sicut aqua extinguit ignem, ita elemosyna peccata et: facite uobis amicos de iniquo mamona, qui uos recipiant in aeterna tabernacula, et: date elemosynam et ecce omnia munda et uerba Danielis regem Nabuchodonosor monentis, ut elemosynis redimeret peccata sua. nolebat in his lapidibus pecuniam effundere, qui cum terra et saeculo transituri sunt, sed in uiuis lapidibus, qui uoluuntur super terram, de quibus in Apocalypsi Iohannis ciuitas magni regis extruitur, quos in sapphirum et smaragdum et iaspidem et ceteras gemmas esse uertendos scriptura commemorat.
17. Uerum haec possunt communia esse cum paucis et scit diabolus non in summo uirtutum culmine posita. unde loquitur ad dominum post amissam Iob substantiam, post euersam domum, post liberos interfectos: corium pro corio, omnia, quae habuerit, homo dabit pro anima sua. sed extende manum tuam et tange ossa et carnes eius, nisi in faciem benedixerit tibi. scimus plerosque dedisse elemosynam, sed de proprio corpore nihil dedisse, porrexisse egentibus manum, sed carnis uoluptate superatos dealbasse eos, quae foris erant, et deintus plenos fuisse ossibus mortuorum. at non Paula talis, quae tantae continentiae fuit, ut prope mensuram excederet et debilitatem corporis nimiis ieiuniis ac labore contraheret, quae exceptis festis diebus uix oleum in cibo acceperit, ut ex hoc uno aestimetur, quid de uino et liquamine et piscibus et lacte ac melle et ouis et reliquis, quae gustu suauia sunt, iudicarit. in quibus sumendis quidam se abstinentissimos putant et, si his uentrem ingurgitauerint, tutam pudicitiam suspicantur.
18. Semper uirtutes sequitur inuidia feriuntque summo fulgura montes. mirum, si hoc de hominibus loquar, cum etiam dominus noster pharisaeorum zelo sit crucifixus et omnes sancti aemulos habuerint, in paradiso quoque serpens fuerit, cuius inuidia mors introiui in orbem terrarum! suscitauerat ei dominus Adar Idumaeum, qui eam colafizaret, ne se extolleret, et quasi quodam stimulo carnis saepius admonebat, ne magnitudine uirtutum altius saperet et aliarum uitiis feminarum se in excelso crederet constitutam. ego aiebam liuori esse cedendum et dandum insaniae locum, quod fecisset Iacob in fratre suo Esau et Dauid in pertinacissimo inimicorum Saul, quorum alter Mesopotamiam fugerit, alter se allophylis tradiderit malens hostibus quam inuidiis subiacere. at illa: ‘iuste’, respondebat, ‘hoc diceres, si diabolus contra seruos dei et ancillas non ubique pugnaret et ad omnia loca fugientes praecederet, si non sanctorum locorum amore retinerer et Bethleem meam in alia repperire possem parte terrarum. cur enim non patientia liuorem superem? cur non humilitate frangam superbiam et percutienti maxillam alteram offeram malam dicente Paulo: uincite in bono malum? nonne apostoli gloriabantur, quando pro domino sunt passi contumeliam? nonne ipse saluator humiliauit se formam serui accipiens et factus oboediens patri usque ad mortem et mortem crucis, ut nos sua passione seruaret? lob, nisi certasset et uicisset in proelio, non accepisset coronam iustitiae nec audisset a domino: putas me aliter tibi locutum, quam ut appareres iustus? beati dicuntur in euangelio, qui persecutionem patiuntur propter iustitiam. secura sit conscientia, quod non propter peccata patiamur; et adflictio in saeculo materia praemiorum est‘. si quando procacior fuisset inimicus et usque ad uerborum iurgia prosilisset, illud Psalterii decantabat: cum consisteret aduersum me peccator, obmutui et humiliatus sum et silui a bonis et rursum: ego autem quasi surdus non audiebam et quasi mutus non aperiens os suum. et factus sum quasi homo non audiens nec habens in ore suo increpationes. in temptationibus Deuteronomii uerba uoluebat: temptat uos dominus deus uester, ut sciat, si diligitis dominum deum uestrum de toto corde uestro et de tota anima uestra. in tribulationibus et angustiis Isaiae replicabat eloquia: qui ablactati estis a lacte, qui abstracti ab ubere, tribulationem super tribulationem expectate, spem super spem, adhuc pusillum et adhuc pusillum, propter malitiam labiorum, propter linguam alienam et scripturae testimonium in consolationem suam disserebat: ablactatorum esse — eorum. qui ad uirilem aetatem peruenissent — tribulationem super tribulationem sustinere, ut spem super spem mererentur accipere scientes, quoniam tribulatio patientiam operatur, patientia probationem, probatio spem, spes autem non confundat, quod, si is, qui. foris est, noster homo corrumpitur, ille, qui intus est, innouetur. et in praesentiarum momentaneum et leue tribulationis nostrae aeternae gloriae pondus operatur in nobis non aspicientibus, quae uidentur, sed quae non uidentur. quae enim uidentur, temporalia sunt; quae autem non uidentur, aeterna sunt, nec longum fore tempus, etiam si humanae inpatientiae tardum uideatur, quin dei sequatur auxilium dicentis: tempore oportuno exaudiui te et in die salutis auxiliatus sum tui. nec dolosa labia et linguas iniquorum esse metuendas, cum domino adiutore laetemur et ipsum audire debeamus monentem: per patientiam uestram possidebitis animas uestras et: non sunt condignae passiones praesentis saeculi adfuturam gloriam, quae reuelabitur in nobis, et alibi, ut patienter agamus in omnibus, quaequae acciderint nobis: patiens enim uir multus prudentia; qui autem pusillanimis est, uehementer insipiens.
19. In languoribus et crebra infirmitate dicebat: quando infirmor, tunc fortis sum et: habemus thesaurum istud in uasis fictilibus, donec mortale hoc induat inmortalitatem et corruptiuum hoc uestiat incorruptionem, et iterum: sicut superabundant passiones Christi in nobis, ita et per Christum abundauit et consolatio ac deinde: ut socii passionum estis, ita et consolationis eritis. in maerore cantabat: quare tristis es, anima mea, et quare conturbas me? spera in deum, quoniam confitebor illi, salutare uultus mei et deus meus. in periculis loquebatur: qui ulit uenire post me, neget se ipsum et tollat crucem suam et sequatur me et iterum: qui uult animam suam saluam facere, perdet eam et: qui perdiderit animam suam propter me, saluam eam faciet. quando dispendia rei familiaris et euersio totius patrimonii nuntiabatur, aiebat: quid enim prodest homini, si totum mundum lucri fecerit et animam suam damni habuerit? aut quam dabit homo conmutationem pro anima sua? et nudus exiui de utero matris meae, nudus et redeam. sicut placuit domino, ita factum est; sit nomen domini benedictum et illud: nolite diligere mundum nec ea, quae in mundo sunt, quoniam omne, quod in mundo est, desiderium carnis est et concupiscentia oculorum et superbia uitae huius, quae non est ex patre, sed de mundo est. et mundus pertransiet et concupiscentia eius. scio ei scriptas infirmitates grauissimas liberorum et maxime Toxotii sui, quem diligebat plurimum. cumque illud uirtute conplesset: turbata sum et non sum locuta, in haec uerba prorupit: qui amat filium aut filiam supra me, non est me dignus, et orans ad dominum loquebatur: ‘posside filios mortificatorum, qui pro te cotidie mortificant corpora sua‘. noui susurronem quendam — quod genus hominum uel perniciosissimum est — quasi beniuolum nuntiasse, quod prae nimio femore uirtutum quibusdam uideretur insana et cerebrum illius dicerent confouendum. cui illa respondit: theatrum facti sumus mundo et angelis et hominibus; nos fatui propter Christum, sed stultum dei sapientius est hominibus; unde et saluator loquitur ad patrem: tu scis insipientiam meam. quem in euangelio et propinqui quasi mentis inpotem ligare cupiebant et aduersarii suggillabant dicentes: daemoniorum habet et Samarites est et: in Belzebul, principe daemoniorum, eicit daemonia. sed nos andiamus apostolum cohortantem: haec est gloriatio nostra, testimonium conscientiae nostrae, quoniam in sanctitate et sinceritate et gratia dei conuersati sumus in mundo, et dominum dicentem ad apostolos: ideo mundus odit uos, quoniam non estis de mundo. si enim essetis de mundo, amaret utique mundus, quod suum erat', et ad ipsum dominum uerba uertebat: ‘tu nosti cordis abscondita et: haec omnia uenerunt super nos et non sumus obliti tui nec inique egimus in testamentum tuum nec auersum est retrorsum cor nostrum, et: propter te mortificamur tota die, reputati sumus ut oues occisionis, sed dominus auxiliator meus, non timebo, quid faciet mihi homo, legi enim: fili, honora dominum et confortaberis et extra illum nullum timueris', his et talibus testimoniis quasi armatura Christi et aduersum omnia quidem uitia, sed praecipue instruebat se contra inuidiam saeuientem et patiendo iniurias furorem grauidi pectoris mitigabat. denique usque ad diem mortis et huius patientia et aliorum zelus omnibus patuit, qui suum rodit auctorem et, dum aemulum laedere nititur, in semet ipsum proprio furore bacchatur.
20. Dicam et de ordine monasterii, quomodo sanctorum continentiam in suum uerterit lucrum, seminabat carnalia, ut meteret spiritalia; dabat terrena, ut caelestia tolleret; breuia concedebat, ut pro his aeterna mutaret. post uirorum monasterium, quod uiris tradiderat gubernandum, plures uirgines, quas e diuersis prouinciis congregarat, tam nobiles quam medii et infimi generis, in tres turmas monasteriaque diuisit, ita dumtaxat, ut in opere et cibo separatae psalmodiis et orationibus iungerentur. post alleluiae cantatum, quo signo uocabantur ad collectam, nulli residere licitum erat, sed prima uel inter primas ueniens ceterarum operiebatur pudore et exemplo ad laborem eas prouocans, non terrore. mane, hora tertia, sexta, nona, uespera, noctis medio per ordinem Psalterium canebant nec licebat cuiquam sororum ignorare psalmos et non de scripturis sanctis cotidie aliquid discere. die tantum dominico ad ecclesiam procedebant, ex cuius habitabant latere, et unumquodque agmen matrem propriam sequebatur; atque inde pariter reuertentes instabant operi destricto et uel sibi uel ceteris indumenta faciebant. si qua erat nobilis, non permittebatur de domo sua habere comitem, ne ueterum actuum memor et lasciuientis infantiae errorem refricaret antiquum et crebra confabulatione renouaret. unus omnium habitus; linteamine ad tergendas solum manus utebantur. a uiris tanta separatio, ut ab spadonibus quoque eas se iungeret, ne ullam daret occasionem linguae maledicae, quae sanctos carpere solita est in solacium delinquendi. si qua uel tardior conueniebat ad psalmos et in opere pigrior, uariis eam modis adgrediebatur. si erat iracunda, blanditiis, si patiens, correptione, illud apostoli imitans: quid uultis? in uirga ueniam ad uos an in spiritu lenitatis et mansuetudinis? excepto uictu atque uestitu nullam habere quid patiebatur dicente Paulo: habentes uictum atque uestitum his contenti sumus, ne consuetudine plus habendi praeberet locum auaritiae, quae nullis expletur opibus et, quanto amplius habuerit, plus requirit et neque copia neque inopia minuetur. iurgantes inter se sermone lenissimo foederabat. lasciuientem adulescentularum carnem crebris et duplicatis frangebat ieiuniis malens eas stomachum dolere quam mentem. si uidisset aliquam comptiorem, contractione frontis et uultus tristitia arguebat errantem dicens munditiam corporis atque uestitus animae esse inmunditiam et turpe uerbum atque lasciuum numquam de ore uirgineo proferendum, quibus signis libidinosus animus ostenditur et per exteriorem hominem interioris hominis uitia demonstrantur. quam linguosam et garrulam ac procacem rixisque perspexerat delectari et saepius conmonitam nolle conuerti, inter ultimas et extra conuentum sororum ad fores triclinii orare faciebat et separatim cibum capere, ut, quam obiurgatio non correxerat, emendaret pudor. furtum quasi sacrilegium detestabatur et, quod inter saeculi homines uel leue putatur uel nihil, hoc in monasteriis grauissimum dicebat esse delictum, quid memorem clementiam et sedulitatem in aegrotantes, quas miris obsequiis et ministeriis confouebat? cumque aliis languentibus large praeberet omnia et esum quoque exhiberet carnium, si quando ipsa aegrotasset, sibi non indulgebat et in eo inaequilis uidebatur, quod in aliis clementiam in se duritia conmutabat.
21. Nulla iuuenum puellarum sano et uegeto corpore tantae se dederat continentiae, quam ipsa fracto et senili debilitatoque corpusculo. fateor, in hac re pertinacior fuit, ut sibi non parceret, ut nulli cederet admonenti. referam, quod expertus sum. mense Iulio feruentissimis aestibus incidit in ardorem febris et, post desperationem cum dei misericordia respirasset et medici suaderent ob refectionem corporis uino opus esse tenui et paruo, ne aqua bibens in hydropem uerteretur, et ego clam beatum papam Epiphanium rogarem, ut eam moneret, immo conpelleret uinum bibere, ut erat prudens et sollertis ingenii, statim sensit insidias et subridens meum esse, quod ille diceret, intimauit. quid plura? cum beatus pontifex post multa hortamenta exisset foras, quaerenti mihi, quid egisset, respondit: ‘tantum profeci, ut seni homini paene persuaserit, ne uinum bibam'. haec refero, non quod inconsideranter et ultra uires sumpta onera probem monente scriptura: super te onus ne leuaueris, sed quo mentis eius ardorem et desiderium fidelis animae ex hac quoque probare uelim perseuerantia dicentis: sitiuit in te anima mea, quam multipliciter et caro mea. 'difficile est modum tenere in omnibus, et uere iuxta philosophomm sententiam mesotetes aretai, hyperbolai kakiai [Greek] reputantur, quod nos una sententiola exprimere possumus: ne quid nimis. quae in contemptu ciborum tantam habebat pertinaciam, in luctu mitis erat et suorum mortibus frangebatur, maxime liberorum — nam et in uiri et filiorum dormitione semper periclitata est — et, cum os stomachumque signaret et matris dolorem crucis niteretur inpressione lenire. superabat affectus et credulam mentem parentis uiscera consternabant animoque uincens fragilitate corporis uincebatur, quod semel languor adripiens longo tempore possidebat et nobis inquietudinem et sibi discrimen afferebat. quo illa laetabatur per momenta commemorans: miser ego homo, quis me liberabit de corpore mortis huius? dicat prudens lector pro laudibus me uituperationem scribere. testor Iesum, cui illa seruiuit et ego seruire cupio, me in utraque parte nihil fingere, sed quasi Christianum de Christiana, quae sunt uera, proferre, id est historiam scribere, non panegyricum, et illius uitia aliorum esse uirtutes.' uitia loquor secundum animum meum et omnium sororum ac fratrum desiderium, qui illam diligimus et absentem quaerimus.
22. Ceterum illa inpleuit cursum suum fidemque seruauit et nunc fruitur corona iustitiae. sequitur agnum, quocumque uadit, saturatur, quae esuriuit, et laeta cantat: sicut audiuimus, ita et uidimus in ciuitate domini uirtutum, in ciuitate dei nostri. o beata rerum commutatio! fleuit, ut semper rideret, despexit lacus contritos, ut fontem dominum repperiret, [uestita cilicio est, ut nunc albis uestibus uteretur et diceret: scidisti saccum meum et induisti me laetitia. cinerem quasi panem manducauit et potionem suam cum fletu miscebat dicens: fuerunt mihi lacrimae meae panes die ac nocte, ut in aeternum angelorum pane uesceretur et caneret: gustate et uidete, quoniam suauis eructuauit cor meum uerbum bonum: dico ego opera mea regi, et Esaiae, immo domini per Esaiam, in se cerneret uerba conpleri: ecce, qui seruiunt mihi, manducabunt, uos autem esurietis. ecce, qui seruiunt mihi, bibent, uos autem sitietis. ecce, qui seruiunt mihi, laetabuntur, uos autem confundemini. ecce, qui seruiunt mihi, exultabunt in gaudio, uos autem clamabitis ob dolorem cordis et propter contritionem spiritus ululabitis. dixeram lacus eam semper fugisse contritos, ut fontem dominum repperiret,] ut posset laeta cantare: sicut cerus desiderat ad fontes aquarum, ita desiderat anima mea ad te, deus, sitiuit anima mea ad deum fortem, uiuum: quando ueniam et parebo ante faciem dei?
23. Tangam ergo breuiter, quomodo hereticorum caenosos deuitauerit lacus et eos instar habuerit ethnicorum. quidam ueterator callidus atque, ut sibi uidebatur, doctus ac sciolus me nesciente coepit ei proponere quaestiones et dicere: ‘quid peccauit infans, ut daemone corripiatur? in qua aetate resurrecturi sumus? in ipsa, qua morimur? ergo et nutricibus post resurrectionem opus erit. in altera? nequaquam erit resurrectio mortuorum, sed transformatio in alios, diuersitas quoque sexus maris ac feminae erit an non erit? si erit, sequentur et nuptiae et concubitus et generatio. si non erit, sublata diuersitate sexus eadem corpora non resurgent — adgrauat enim terrena habitatio sensum multa curantem —, sed tenuia et spiritalia dicente apostolo: seminatur corpus animale, resurgit corpus spiritale’. ex quibus omnibus probare cupiebat rationales creaturas ob quaedam uitia et antiqua peccata in corpora esse delapsas et pro diuersitate ac meritis peccatorum tali uel tali condicione generari, ut uel corporum sanitate gauderent et parentum diuitiis ac nobilitate uel in morbidas carnes et domos inopum uenientes poenas pristinorum luerent delictorum et praesenti saeculo atque corpore quasi carceri clauderentur. quod cum audisset et ad me retulisset indicans hominem mihique incubuisset necessitas nequissimae uiperae ac mortiferae bestiae resistendi, de quibus psalmista commemorat dicens: ne tradas bestiis animam confitentem tibi et: increpa, domine, bestiis calami, qui scribentes iniquitatem locuntur contra dominum mendacium et eleuant in excelsum os suum, conueni hominem et orationibus eius, quam decipere nitebatur, breui interrogatione conclusi, utrum crederet futuram resurrectionem mortuorum an non. qui cum se credere respondisset, intuli: ‘eadem resurgunt corpora an altera?’ cumdixisset: ‘eadem’, sciscitatus sum: ‘in eodem sexu an in altero?' ad interrogata reticenti et instar colubri huc atque illuc transferenti caput, ne feriretur: ‘quia’, inquam, ‘taces, ego mihi pro te respondebo et consequentia inferam. si non resurgit mulier neque masculus, non erit resurrectio mortuorum, quia sexus membra habet, membra totum corpus efficiunt. si autem sexus et membra non fuerint, ubi erit resurrectio corporum, quae sine sexu non constat et membris? porro, si corporum non fuerit resurrectio, nequaquam erit resurrectio mortuorum. sed et illud, quod de nuptiis obicis, si eadem membra fuerint, sequi nuptias, a saluatore dissoluitur: erratis nescientes scripturas neque uirtutem dei; in resurrectione enim mortuorum non nubent neque nubentur, sed erunt similes angelorum. ubi dicitur: non nubent neque nubentur, sexuum diuersitas demonstratur. nemo enim de lapide et ligno dicit: ‘non nubent neque nubentur,' quae naturam nubendi non habent, sed de his, qui possunt nubere et Christi gratia ac uirtute non nubant. quodsi opposueris: ‘quomodo ergo erimus similes angelorum, cum inter angelos non sit masculus et femina?’ breuiter ausculta: non substantiam nobis angelorum, sed conuersationem et beatitudinem repromittit, quomodo et Iohannes Baptista, antequam decollaretur, angelus appellatus est et omnes sancti ac uirgines dei etiam in isto saeculo uitam in se exprimunt angelorum. quando enim dicitur: eritis similes angelorum, similitudo promittitur, non natura mutatur.
24. Simulque responde, quomodo illud interpreteris, quod Thomas domini resurgentis palpauerit manus et uiderit latus lancea uulneratum et Petrus in litore stantem conspexerit dominum et fauum mellis ac partem assi piscis comedentem ? qui stabat. profecto habebat pedes; qui monstrauit latus uulneratum, utique et uentrem et pectus habuit, sine quibus non sunt latera uentri et pectori cohaerentia; qui locutus est, lingua et palato ac dentibus loquebatur - sicut enim plectrum cordis, ita lingua inliditur dentibus et uocalem reddit sonum —; cuius palpatae sunt manus, consequenter et brachia habuit. cum igitur omnia membra habuisse dicatur, necesse est, ut totum corpus habuerit, quod conficitur ex membris, non utique femineum, sed uirile, id est eiusdem sexus, in quo mortuum est. quodsi obtenderis: ‘ergo et nos post resurrectionem comedemus? et quomodo clausis ingressus est ianuis contra naturam pinguium et solidorum corporum?', audies: noli propter cibum resurrectionis fidem in calumniam trahere. nam et archisynagogi filiae suscitatae iussit cibum dari et Lazarus, quadriduanus mortuus, cum ipso scribitur inisse conuiuium, ne resurrectio eorum phantasma putaretur. sin autem clausis ingressus est ianuis et idcirco spiritale et aetherium corporis niteris adprobare, ergo et, antequam pateretur, quia contra naturam grauiorum corporum super mare ambulauit, spiritale corpus habuit et apostolus Petrus, quia et ipse super aquas pendulo incessit gradu, spiritale corpus habuisse credendus est, cum potentia magis et uirtus ostenditur dei, quando fit aliquid contra naturam. et, ut scias in signorum magnitudine non naturae mutationem, sed dei omnipotentiam demonstrari, qui ambulabat fide, coepit infidelitate mergeri, nisi eum manus domini subleuasset dicentis: qua re dubitasti, modicae fidei? miror autem te obdurare frontem loquente domino : infer digitum tuum huc et tange manus meas et porrige manum tuam et mitte in latus meum et noli esse incredulus, sed fidelis, et alibi: uidete manus meas et pedes, quia ipse ego sum. palpate et uidete, quia spiritus carnem et ossa non habet, sicut me habentem uidetis. et cum hoc dixisset, ostendit eis manus et pedes, ossa audis et carnem, pedes et manus; et globos mihi Stoicorum atque aeria quaedam deliramenta confingis!
25. Porro, infans, quaeris, cur daemone corripiatur, qui peccata sua non habuit. aut, in qua aetate resurrecturi sumus, cum diuersa aetate moriamur. ingratis suscipies: iudicia domini abyssus multa et: o profundum diuitiarum sapientiae et scientiae dei, quam inscrutabilia sunt iudicia eius et in uestigabiles uiae eius! quis enim cognouit sensum domini aut quis consiliarius eius fuit? aetatum autem diuersitas non mutat corporum ueritatem. cum enim corpora nostra cotidie fluant et aut crescant aut decrescant, ergo tot erimus homines, quot cotidie conmutamur? aut alius fui, cum decem annorum essem, alius, cum triginta, alius, cum quinquaginta, alius, quia iam toto cano capite sum? igitur iuxta ecclesiarum traditiones et apostolum Paulum illud est respondendum, quod in uirum perfectum et in mensuram aetatis plenitudinis Christi resurrecturi sumus, in qua et Adam conditum Iudaei autumant et dominum saluatorem legimus surrexisse et multa alia, quae de utroque testamento in suffocationem heretici protuli. ex quo die ita coepit hominem detestari et omnes, qui eiusdem dogmatis erant, ut eos uoce publica hostes domini proclamaret. et haec dixi, non ut breuiter heresim confutarem, cui multis uoluminibus respondendum est, sed ut fidem tantae feminae ostenderem. quae maluit inimicitias hominum subire perpetuas quam dei offensam amicitiis noxiis prouocare.
26. Dicam ergo, ut coeperam: nihil ingenio eius docilius fuit. erat ad loquendum, uelox ad audiendum, memor illius praecepti: audi, Israhel, et tace. scriptures tenebat memoriter et, cum amaret historiam et illud ueritatis diceret fundamentum, magis sequebatur intellegentiam spiritalem et hoc culmine aedificationem animae protegebat. denique conpulit me, ut et uetus et nouum instrumentum cum filia me disserente perlegeret. quod propter uerecundiam negans propter adsiduitatem et crebras postulationes eius praestiti, ut docerem, quod didiceram non a memetipso, id est a praesumptionis pessimo praeceptore, sed ab inlustribus ecclesiae uiris. sicubi haesitabam et nescire me ingenue confitebar, nequaquam mihi uolebat adquiescere, sed iugi interrogatione cogebat, ut e multis ualidisque sententiis, quae mihi uideretur probabilior. indicarem. loquar et aliud, quod forsitan aemulis uideatur incredulum: Hebraeam linguam, quam ego ab adulescentia multo labore ac sudore ex parte didici et infatigabili meditatione non descro, ne ipse ab ea deserar, discere uoluit et consecuta est ita, ut psalmos Hebraeice caneret et sermonem absque ulla Latinae linguae proprietate resonaret. quod quidem usque hodie in sancta filia eius Eustochio cernimus, quae ita semper adhaesit matri et eius oboediuit imperiis, ut numquam absque ea cubaret, numquam procederet, numquam cibum caperet, ne unum quidem nummum haberet potestatis suae, sed et paternam et maternam substantiolam a matre distribui pauperibus lactaretur et pietatem in parentem hereditatem maximam et diuitias crederet. non debeo silentio praeterire, quanto exultauerit gaudio, quod Paulam, neptem suam Laeta et Toxotio generatam, immo uoto et futurae uirginitatis repromissione conceptam, audierit in cunis et crepitaculis balbutiente lingua alleluia cantare auiaeque et amitae nomina dimidiatis uerbis frangere. in hoc solo patriae desiderium habuit, ut filium, nurum, neptem renuntiare saeculo. Christo seruire cognosceret. quod inpetrauit ex parte; nam neptis Christi flammeo reseruatur, nurus aeternae se tradens pudicitiae socrus opera fide et elemosynis sequitur et Romae conatur exprimere, quod Hierosolymis illa conpleuit.
27. Quid agimus, anima? cur ad mortem eius uenire formidas? iam dudum prolixior liber. cuditur, dum timemus ad ultima peruenire, quasi tacentibus nobis et in laudibus illius occupatis differri possit occubitus. huc usque prosperis nauigauimus uentis et crispantia maris aequora labens carina sulcauit; nunc in scopulos incurrit oratio et tumentibus fluctuum montibus praesens utriusque monasterii intentatur naufragium, ita ut cogamur dicere: praecepior, saluos nos fac, perimus et illud: exsurge, ut quid dormis, domine? quis enim possit siccis oculis Paulam narrare morientem? incidit in grauissimam ualitudinem, immo, quod optabat, inuenit, ut nos desereret et domino plenius iungeretur. in quo languore Eustochiae filiae probata semper in matrem pietas magis ab omnibus conprobata est. ipsa adsidere lectulo, flabellum tenere, sustentare caput, puluillum supponere, fricare pedes manu, stomachum confouere, mollia strata conponere, aquam calidam temperare, mamphulam adponere, omnium ancillarum praeuenire officia, quidquid alia fecisset, de sua mercede putare subtractum. quibus illa precibus, quibus lamentis et gemitu inter iacentem matrem et specum domini discurrere, ne priuaretur tanto contubernio, ne illa absente uiueret, ut eodem feretro portaretur! sed, o mortalium fragilis et caduca natura et, nisi Christi fides nos extollat ad caelum et aeternitas animae promittatur, cum bestiis ac iumentis corporum una condicio! est idem occubitus iusto et inpio, bono et malo, mundo et inmundo, sacrificanti et non sacrificanti. sicut bonus, ita et qui peccat; sicut qui iurat, ita et is qui iuramentum metuit. similiter et homines et iumenta in fauillam et cinerem dissoluuntur.
28. Quid diu differo et dolorem meum in aliis inmorando facio longiorem? sentiebat prudentissima feminarum adesse mortem et frigente alia parte corporis atque membrorum solum animae teporem in sancto et sacro pectore palpitare et nihilo minus, quasi ad suos pergeret alienosque desereret, illos uersiculos susurrabat: domine, dilexi decorem domus tuae et locum habitationis gloriae tuae et: quam dilecta tabernacula tua, domine uirtutum! concupiscit et deficit anima mea in atria domini et: elegi abiecta esse in domo dei mei magis quam habitare in tabernaculis peccatorum. cumque a me interrogaretur, cur taceret, cur nollet respondere inclamanti, an doleret aliquid, Graeco sermone respondit nihil se habere molestiae, sed omnia quieta et tranquilla perspicere. post haec obmutuit et clausis oculis, quasi iam humana despiceret, usque ad expirationem animae eosdem repetebat uersiculos, uix ut audirem, quod dicebat; digitumque ad os tenens crucis signum. pingebat in labiis. defecerat spiritus et anhelabat in mortem; animaque erumpere gestiens ipsum stridorem, quo mortalium uita finitur, in laudes domini conuertebat. aderant Hierosolymorum et aliarum urbium episcopi et sacerdotum inferioris gradus ac Leuitarum innumerabilis multitudo. omne monasterium uirginum et monachorum chori repleuerant. statimque ut audiuit sponsum uocantem: surge, ueni, proxima mea, speciosa mea, columba mea, quoniam ecce hiemps pertransiuit, pluuia abiit sibi, laeta respondit: flores uisi sunt in terra, tempus sectionis aduenit et: credo uidere bona domini in terra uiuentium.
29. Exhinc non ululatus et planctus, ut inter saeculi homines fieri solet, sed psalmos monachorum diuersis linguis examina concrepabant. translataque episcoporum manibus — et ceruicem feretro subicientibus—, cum alii pontifices lampadas cereosque praeferrent, alii choros psallentium ducerent, in media ecclesia speluncae saluatoris est posita. tota ad funus eius Palaestinarum urbium turba conuenit. quem monachorum latentium in heremo cellula sua tenuit? quam uirginum cubiculorum secreta texerunt? sacrilegium putabat, qui non tali feminae ultimum reddidisset officium. uiduae et pauperes in exemplum Dorcadis uestes ab ea praebitas ostendebant; omnis inopum multitudo matrem et nutriciam se perdidisse clamabant. quodque mirum sit, nihil pallor mutarat in facie, sed ita dignitas quaedam et grauitas ora conpleuerat, ut eam putares non mortuam, sed dormientem. Graeco, Latino Syroque sermone psalmi in ordine personabant, non solum triduo et donec subter ecclesiam et iuxta specum domini conderetur, sed per omnem ebdomadem cunctis, qui uenerant, suum funus et proprias credentibus lacrimas. uenerabilis uirgo filia eius Eustochium quasi ablactata super matrem suam abstrahi a parente non poterat: deosculari oculos, haerere uultui, totum corpus amplexari et se cum matre uelle sepeliri.
30. Testis est Iesus ne unum quidem nummum ab ea filiae derelictum, sed, ut ante iam dixi, derelictum magnum aes alienum et — quod his difficilius est — fratrum et sororum inmensam multitudinem. quos et sustentare arduum et abicere inpium est. quid hac uirtute mirabilius: feminam nobilissimae familiae, magnis quondam opibus tanta fide omnia delargitam, ut ad egestatem paene ultimam penueniret? iactent alii pecunias, in corban dei aera congesta funalibusque aureis dona pendentia: nemo plus dedit pauperibus, quam quae sibi nihil reliquit. nunc illa diuitiis fruitur et his bonis, quae nec oculus uidit nec auris audiuit nec in cor hominis ascenderunt. nos nostrum uicem dolemus et inuidere potius gloriae eius uidebimur, si uoluerimus diutius flere regnantem.
31. Secura esto, Eustochium; magna hereditate ditata es. pars tua dominus et, quo magis gaudeas, mater tua longo martyrio coronata est. non solum effusio sanguinis in confessione reputatur, sed deuotae quoque mentis seruitus cotidianum martyrium est. illa corona de rosis et uiolis plectitur, ista de liliis. unde et in Cantico scribitur canticorum: fratuelis meus candidus et rubicundus, et in pace et in bello eadem praemia uincentibus tribuens. mater, inquam, tua audiuit cum Abraham: exi de terra tua et de cognatione tua et ueni in terram, quam ostendam tibi, et per Hieremiam dominum praecipientem: fugite de medio Babylonia et saluate animas uestras et usque ad diem mortis suae non est reuersa Chaldaeam nec ollas Aegypti et iurulentias carnium desiderauit, sed choris comitata uirgineis ciuis est saluatoris effecta et de paruula Bethlem caelestia regna conscendens. dicit ad ueram Noemi: populus tuus populus meus et deus tuus deus meus.
32. Hunc tibi librum ad duas lucubratiunculas eodem, quem tu sustines, dolore dictaui. nam quotienscumque stilum figere uolui et opus exarare promissum, totiens obriguerunt digiti, cecidit manus, sensus elanguit. unde et inculta oratio uotum scribentis absque ulla elegantia et uerborum lepore testatur.
33. Uale, Paula, et cultoris tui ultimam senectutem orationibus iuua. fides et opera tua Christo te sociant, praesens facilius, quod postulas, inpetrabis. exegi monumentum aere perenius, quod nulla destruere possit uetustas. incidi elogium sepulchro tuo, quod huic uolumini subdidi, ut, quocumque noster sermo peruenerit, te laudatam, te in Bethlem conditam lector agnoscat. Titulus sepulchri: Scipio quam genuit, Pauli fudere parentes, Gracchorum suboles, Agamemnonis inclita proles hoc iacet, in tumulo, Paulam dixere priores. Eustochiae genetrix, Romani prima senatus pauperiem Christi et Bethlemitica rura secuta est. Et in foribus speluncae: Despicis angustum praecisa rupe sepulchrum? hospitium Paulae est caelestia regna tenentis. fratrem, cognatos, Romam patriamque relinquens, diuitias, subolem Bethlemitico conditur antro. hic praesepe tuum, Christe, atque hic mystica reges munera portantes hominique deoque dedere.
34. Dormiuit sancta et beata Paula septimo Kalendas Februarias, tertia sabbati post solis occubitum. sepulta est quinto Kalendarum earundem Honorio Augusto VI et Aristaeneto consulibus. uixit in sancto proposito Romae annis quinque, Bethleem annis uiginti. omne uitae tempus inpleuit annis quinquaginta sex, mensibus octo, diebus uiginti uno.

Historical context:

Eustochium's mother, Paula, died in 404, almost twenty years after she had followed Jerome to the Holy Land and founded a house there. Her death was a great loss to Jerome, who commemorates her life for the world in this letter addressed to her daughter, but intended to be a public eulogy, perhaps a model to be emulated, a kind of saint's life. Since Eustochium was with her until she died, it may also serve as a life of Eustochium. Jerome traces not only the life of Paula, but also her pilgrimage through the holy places of the middle east, and quotes her opinions and teachings at some length.

Scholarly notes:

(1) Epiphanius was the bishop she had entertained at Rome, who returned the favor on Cyprus. Kelly thinks she and Eustochium may have caught up with Jerome in Cyprus, but in any case they were certainly together by Antioch, Jerome, His Life, Writings, and Controversies, 117.
(2) According to a curse laid on it by Joshua, Hiel built the city and its gates at the cost of his oldest and youngest sons, see Josh.6:26 and 3Kgs.16:34.
(3) Dositheus was a first century Jew whom some Samaritans believed to be the Messaiah.
(4) I have used the standard translation for this passage; the text in fact says "unless he bless you to your face."
(5) Jerome gives the maxim in Greek.
(6) From this point up to the repeat of "find the lord's spring," the passage is marked off by the editor as an addition not in all manuscripts.

Printed source:

Sancti Eusebii Hieronymi Epistulae, ed. Isidorus Hilberg, 3 v. (New York: Johnson, 1970, repr. CSEL, 1910-18), 2.306-51, ep.108.

Date: